inconsiderate enough to take my body like you planned on keeping it.
hollow cross necklace and nothing else.
you didn't save yourself for Jesus so you left me for religion.
asked if he would save you.
asked some holy being to take something twisted and fold it flat.
folded me in half.
folded everything we had and put it in a bag.
threw it in your hands when you came to my house a week later.
I was so surprised that you came to the door, I congratulated you for not acting childish for once.
I giggled like a kid when I shut the door.
giggled like the kids I dreamed of having with you.
they cried when you punched the wall.
I had to wake myself up.
you, anger issues.
me, trust issues.
you, inconsiderate.
you, belittled me.
6 foot 2, I'm 6 feet under you.
dead to you.
you're not dead to me.
I remember what you said to me.
we didn't have the same beliefs so how could you have faith in me?
faith in something you touched.
faith in something you kissed.
faith in something you broke.
something tangible.
something real.
if you can't pray to me, what's worth worshipping?
my name isn't in the bible, I'm unfamiliar to your mouth.
to your eyes.
tell that to every girl you talk to.
was I just a friend?
tell that to the kisses that you leave on their thighs.
my friends tried, but I never listened to anyone that pointed out the warning signs.
wasted so many months on so many moths instead of butterflies.
drained myself of all things just to give you everything.
I spent so many nights making you sound like a better person than you were.
you used to be better than you are.
I was too, but that was before you.
before the Sundays shoved down my throat with bread and wine.
before the Sunday nights of lust and hushed sighs.
before Wednesdays curled up with stories that would follow me home but I would not allow them inside.
these days, my communion is much more than one small cup of wine.
sometimes I sip bible verses in an attempt to forget you.
like you forgot me.
everything you promised.
like the words slipped your mind right as they slipped your tongue.
you slipped your hands in my hair like you were feeling it grow.
and I may not have the chance to go gray with you,
but your sins are still tucked into the creases in my fingertips.
the cracks in my lips.
and if I ever find a god to believe in,
I'll make sure to tell him all of this.