Only until I met him did I see through the eyes of another how true self value really looked like when applied in reality.
I started to to understand how loving yourself or another actually looked like.
The feeling of LOVE was overwhelming and ecstasy compared to before love became so clear.
I had a misunderstood notion that being beautiful on the outside would bring me love.
I thought that I was loving myself outwardly appearing flawless.
Later I learned that I had only found a half truth.
So I began searching for the whole truth but first I had to tear all the pieces of my life apart to sort through and find each one of its meanings.

My whole life was in pieces when God himself appeared as a man who spoke truth and displayed love yet disguised with flaws for 1000 lifetimes.....
You see, before I was using my ego to love myself and gauge how much love to dispense on others based on ego as well.
The reason using ego is not effective and scary is because it is worldly and very temporary always needing maintenance and attention.
It is also fear based.
So you then love out of fear essentially. It is a common mistake because ego masks itself as  being strong and unbreakable but when you wipe off the pounds of make-up or take off the Karats of gold you are weak! Temporary.