Dad yells, and mom cries,
I'm too young to know why,
But like the sneak that I am,
I slyly slide against the cold white wall,
Trying to listen,
What is going on?
Why does this happen?

Alcohol.
The devil's drink,
At least that's what I've grown to think,
Because when I see alcohol,
I see a man with brown hair,
And a mole places on his cheek,
Drowning himself in the yellow colored elixir,
Stumbling around and breaking objects,
Breaking families,
Breaking a little girl's hearth who just wants a dad.

That sacred poison flooding the body,
Bubbling up ideas of bad decisions.
So many women,
He entered and exited,
Homes,
People,
Lives.
And I am scared,
Because I don't want to be the same.

I don't want to be limited by addiction,
I don't want to ruin families,
I don't want to be abusive.
And I know that I'm not that person,
I am not him,
But every time I see alcohol I think,
What if?

And so I push people away,
And I have trouble trusting,
Because if one drink,
Can transform someone who is supposed to be
A father,
A dad,
Then who's to say it won't happen to another?
I want to lock myself away,
And scream
"LEAVE ME ALONE."

But maybe not everyone is going to hurt me,
And maybe alcohol isn't completely "bad."
Maybe a few happy things have happened,
As a result of letting this liquid,
Slowly enter my life.
Seeing friends be responsible,
But also somewhat silly.
Sharing snacks and music at 3am,
Accompanying bitter bubbles,
With the sugary ones of a soda.

I'm still scared,
And I don't think I'll ever be,
"Normal,"
But at least now I have people,
Who make things, well -
Not so bad.