I think about her fingers gripping your back
I hear nails on a chalkboard
You whispering to her in the dead of the night,
move over, love, you’re hogging the blanket
White noise in my ears
my head hurts, your voice rattles inside and ricochets off the walls of my mind
I stop hearing you after a while
The walls are padded now
You are only in my head these days
I’d rather have you hurt than have you nothing
It was worse than a screaming, breathless argument
When I kissed and kissed and touched
but you did not move
I could not move you, could no longer make you feel
No matter how tightly I closed my eyes
I could still see how little you loved me
No matter how hard I tried not to grip your fingers like I was falling from a cliff
I still felt your hand cramping from the effort to stay in mine
I will never say that you did not try
You used to believe in things like magic and yourself
Yet, here you are saying, ‘love doesn’t really matter at all, does it?’
and I made you this way
My sharp edges cut you
Someone someday standing where I once stood
She’ll smile like it’s second-nature, and have a laugh that isn’t forced
She’ll taste like me but less bitter, with hair far softer, her speech not course