I'm filling a void I can't identify
trying to make meaning of these wasted days
I waste away waiting for a sign
I'm not as dreadful as you made me feel
Part of me used to laugh
at the thought of letting someone else,
anyone else, besides myself
dictate how I felt
but now I struggle
to feel anything at all

I quit smoking
sure it made the haze in my head softer
and it was already hard to breathe before
but I didn't want the habit already stuck
when I finally stopped wanting to die
I wonder when that day will come
I won't start smoking again
Not because I have hope that it will stop raining
or visions of a clearer future
but because I know that nothing will fill this void
Especially not, now fading memories of a summer
and a lover
and a boy