yesterday, i was on the verge of letting you go. i left the thought of you in my last 84 years, and before that too. today, i'm 34 and maybe will last for the next decades or so. i'm not sure if i'll leave this lifetime again-- with the trails of your kisses dangling on my shoulder, its tips gently swaying across my bare back. ill ask myself again tomorrow the dreaded question of my past lifetimes, "why will i leave you again?".

i developed this habitual longing for thoughts of you inside my head. how i couldn't quite reach the satisfaction of imagining--i need your soul in physical form. i need you with me; right here, right now.

you can clearly see the fault here, and i'm sorry for that. i need to love you, not need nor want you. it's not some complicated **** as the reason of my soon-to-be absence for the rest of your life, it's the crushing thought of being not worthy to be yours. you're too precious, too much of a sweet liability for my bitter tongue could willingly handle.

alas, this lifetime would probably be wasted again on depressing decisions that will be the end of me. but one thing is for sure, inside the deep oblivion of my mind, i will always love you. and i'm wishing for more lifetimes to come for me to get that out of my nothingness.