All I need is the rush... the rush of emptiness which used to fill me up, the rush of agony which I used to ache for, which I still somehow ache for. I want to burn, to cry, to hurt; I want to feel empty. The sad thing is, I do not know how to live when happy. This happiness is suffocating, like a noose of positivity is choking me and I cannot escape. Let me plunge into the cold depths of pessimism and swim through glimmers of beauty to which I am blind. Let me be blind to this world I do not belong in. I am just afraid - afraid of losing... this. I am afraid of becoming lost to freezing cold waters as soon as I find comfort in the warmth. *I want to be empty so that the pain doesn't have to take away this incredible fullness.