I gave you something that I cannot get back.
Believe me, I've tried,
countless nights, donating my time to strangers
begging God for one second, if anything,
of that feeling that I used to have with you.
He never delivered and I haven't stopped trying
to find that feeling elsewhere,
endlessly unsuccessful and franctic in my panicked ways,
worrying about the days I'm wasting wishing for something greater to come along.


I'm hurting people without caring and it's scary,
this is not who I was before you left me and I am not sure
what you took when you went but I need it back,
desperately,

Desperately I'm searching for a permanent way to fill this void
the one that has only gotten bigger since you left.
I think it's my heart that you took because nothing sticks anymore the way it used to.
I am numb and I wish I could find something or someone to make me feel something again without the bitter taste of our last kiss
burning in my mouth and forcing me to curl my lips hard,
and my fists harder,
I'm harder now and I miss how it felt to love someone deeply.
I miss me, too.