they say the grass grows greener on the other side
but I've been watering myself down day after day
counting calories, running on treadmills for hours,
you know it seems like the only thing I could eat without feeling guilty about myself is a small bowl of nothing
but even that would be too much.
and when I do eat, I eat so much that I'm too full to go on with the day
but that fullness can't fill up the empty void in my head that's supposed to be telling me to love myself
because how can I love myself when the only thing that's ever loved me was a hot pocket in the freezer
and how can I love myself when my dad says people who hurt themselves are crazy but then saw my scars and didn't apologize
and how could I love myself when I was the age of 16, the woman who gave birth to me told me depression is just a phase
and how can I love myself when the first boy I ever loved told me the only way to chase after his heart would have to be on a treadmill
and how am I supposed to love myself when people think that not eating all day is an accomplishment
but who knows maybe the grass is greener on the other side after all