we drown out to sea, we drown in our fears
the warmth of the city lights, i can't feel them anymore
cries of stray cats and dogs, i hear them echo
but the currents keep dragging me deep down below
my voice screams for aid but nobody hears
those words have been lost in the abyss for all of these years
facade so misleading, existence irrelevant
the warmth of the city lights, i can't taste them anymore

"mother! mother!", i knock at the door
i look to my shoes searching but i don't know what for
short ***** fingers that fold into a fist
"mother! mother!", i exclaim as she opens the door
"the carnival! the carnival, it's here!
i can taste the aroma of the air, its fragrance so pure and clear
brewed tea, cotton candy, ferris wheels and balloons,
feet running to and fro, lovers hand in hand and kisses in the middle of june"
the warmth of the city lights, i can feel them once more

a heart warming smile presses across my mother's lips
the sorrow and the pain, they flush into the abyss
the frames of her face, the joy in her eyes and the subtle wrinkles are perceivable, i fear she's getting old
the city lights, they fade away all of a sudden
and just like that, i can't feel them anymore

but that was years ago, i am where i am
i have taken these feelings of my heart into my mouth
i am always drenched in water, lonely, soaked and cold
for i am the ocean, the sea
i am the currents of these soon forgotten memories
i will disappear into the bottom, until i am nothing,

until i am no more

n.j.