I’m only in hospital because I am sick,
apparently, I’m quite stressed
Although I’m in relatively good nick,
what I need most is lots of rest

But they wake me every night at twelve o clock or so,
for my sleeping pill
Seriously though, I am beginning to know,
why it is that some people ****

Then they wake me every morning,
at a very early hour
Despite each and every warning
that I’m losing my will power

I have tried to convey my frustration,
in a calm and rational way
But they seem intent on sleep deprivation
for the duration of my stay

Losing sleep is bad enough
if it would just stop there
But I cannot even eat the stuff
the kitchen here prepare

It’s nearly always cold
and impossible to chew
And I’m fed up being told
that I’ve lost a stone or two

I have not been sick before
so taking pills is a battle
And if I have to take one more I know
I will start to rattle

Injections by the score,
so many every week
I do not drink liquids any more
because I’m afraid I’ll spring a leak

Every day a different test,
am I just a guinea pig?
I am trying my level best
not to give someone a dig

They seem obsessed with bowel movements,
always monitoring it,
they get frustrated when there’s no improvements,
but I could not give a sh*t!

Then there is the matron,
a scrawny ancient hen
Who excels at *******
and seems to hate all men

But the students are worse
as they are put through their paces
you can tell when things are serious
by the looks on their faces

I am here because of stress,
What a ****** joke!
Maybe I would care less
if they would just let me smoke

I have to check myself out
and I will not be back
Because staying here no doubt
will give me a heart attack

Thank god to be out of there,
some other sucker has my bed
Just one more day in there
and I would have gone home dead.