Jan 2016
Out of all the people I have ever encountered, only you relentlessly make veiled influxes in my creations, as I’m subconsciously thinking about your reaction in everything I make and I suppose I am imagining you will someday read this, admire my art, and describe how brilliant I am after staring at my math homework.
No, my sweet companion, I am not as brilliant as you dreamed. I am neither talented nor creative. I am simply a girl with too much time since I have forgotten my purpose or saw I had none. I lost a sense of what I should do with myself when they said I wasn’t reaching expectations. Don’t call me smart; have no expectations lest anxiety starts explaining the ways of failure.
There are three 360 degrees in a clock and 365 days. I must find the correlation, as I speak in numbers and calculate in sentences. Everything has an equation to graph in four dimensions, so math is all I see.
You are already a star that burnt out and became a black hole with infinite gravity. Light cannot find a way of resisting you and I get why you prefer light to my dust a million light years away that will turn into a star but not in my lifetime.
Dream about me and watch solar systems rotate you. You are the center of everything in a space without a center. You **** in particles that might come a different black hole as long as you don’t violate the laws of causality.
No, my dear, you are the brilliant one that discovered how to throw a ball of light in the air and watch it come back to you so that you can catch it and throw it up again. You are the one endlessly collapsing and imploding. Life cannot survive inside you only partly because you forgot symbiosis. You are breaking all the rules and nothing can stop you until we see what happens when an unstoppable force collides with an immovable object. Only another light-******* creature will get you to talk and I am a cloud determined to become a black hole so that we can create a binary system of rotating giants of darkness.
I promise that I will catch up to you, but today, I can only write about you with abstract words and too many dead metaphors – because that is all you ever were to yourself – as I imagine you reading my work and editing my math homework that never needed editing. I promise I will meet you again somewhere in this cold and lonely universe. I promise that you are not alone and you can give a hint of you hide within your dark horizon. I will give up forever to find you.
No, my sweet companion, I am not as brilliant as you dreamed. I am neither talented nor creative. I am simply a girl with too much time since I have forgotten my purpose or saw I had none. I lost a sense of what I should do with myself when they said I wasn’t reaching expectations. Don’t call me smart; have no expectations lest anxiety starts explaining the ways of failure.
There are three 360 degrees in a clock and 365 days. I must find the correlation, as I speak in numbers and calculate in sentences. Everything has an equation to graph in four dimensions, so math is all I see.
You are already a star that burnt out and became a black hole with infinite gravity. Light cannot find a way of resisting you and I get why you prefer light to my dust a million light years away that will turn into a star but not in my lifetime.
Dream about me and watch solar systems rotate you. You are the center of everything in a space without a center. You **** in particles that might come a different black hole as long as you don’t violate the laws of causality.
No, my dear, you are the brilliant one that discovered how to throw a ball of light in the air and watch it come back to you so that you can catch it and throw it up again. You are the one endlessly collapsing and imploding. Life cannot survive inside you only partly because you forgot symbiosis. You are breaking all the rules and nothing can stop you until we see what happens when an unstoppable force collides with an immovable object. Only another light-******* creature will get you to talk and I am a cloud determined to become a black hole so that we can create a binary system of rotating giants of darkness.
I promise that I will catch up to you, but today, I can only write about you with abstract words and too many dead metaphors – because that is all you ever were to yourself – as I imagine you reading my work and editing my math homework that never needed editing. I promise I will meet you again somewhere in this cold and lonely universe. I promise that you are not alone and you can give a hint of you hide within your dark horizon. I will give up forever to find you.
