the female adolescent is beautiful in black and white colour loses depth we see everything like a small puppy isn't the what you want? innocence? naive little girls who can't hold their own? who can barely stand on their own two feet? the female is a miraculous creature she carries herself like a feather on a cool breeze maybe because she's so frail & the wind is so loud oh the feeling of hunger pains on a cold winter morning wondering if maybe im small enough now to feel the wind in my bones freezing my enamel wondering how many calories are in toothpaste or the bleach we swish around in our mouths to whiten our teeth we eat pills for breakfast anti-depressant Prozac laxatives Xanax and hair & nail supplements so we can look beautiful while dying dabbling in hobbies like shopping buying makeup fainting while walking to the bus stop hunching over the toilet while top model plays in the background shaming our metabolisms for not being able to burn through a tic tac fast enough yelling at our doctors for claiming that our "hearts are too big for such a small body" boys think we dumb ourselves down to make ourselves more appealing little do they know the number of times we bang on our heads to knock out the unclean thoughts like food or sleep how our brain cells die each time we slap away our frowns & replace them with painted smiles small dumb Barbie dolls plastic easily ripped apart we hide our pain with concealer bruised from bumping into counters purple knees carrying a rubber band for months till that rubber band is carrying us slapping our wrists to warrant authority because beauty has power over everything measuring the space between our thighs yanking at the skin that will never leave measuring the space between the blade and our wrists remembering that scars will only make it worse measuring the space between now and never realizing life is a thing realizing life would be better without you realizing you haven't weighed yourself today gathering your fears in mason jars collecting your tears & mailing them to places far, far away the female adolescent is beautiful but only in black and white
this is meant to be a slam poem but I thought I might as well post it