I am unlovable.
Easily broken
like the glass that shattered
long before I even touched it.
I am war-
too volatile to handle,
too unpredictable to wait for
so I told you to run,
take nothing with you
(except for regret)
for it will only slow you down
and I don’t have time to warn you twice.

Why would you choose to stay?

Years later
I’m still sitting in my aloneness
in a home built out of paper mache and sweat
anger and hate weighing comfortably in my aching belly-
I am only vengeful towards my body,
and it knows that.

I spit fires from my tongue,
setting borders alight
because unbounded
is the only way that I’ll have you Love-

You know just how it is that I like my coffee.

Bloodied walls
and broken hands,
I’ve been building this staircase for a while now.

…I’m just looking to ask god why…

You asked me if I was ready
and I told you that my pain wasn't done baking yet
I am still dancing with the shadows of my demons-
I am open wounds that refuse to heal.

I want to feel your breath on my skin
but I am afraid of how it deeply it will scar
because every time you touch me,
I bleed.

My lungs started collecting dust
on a shelf somewhere:-
collapsed from the heaviness of mistrust
and almost apologies-
Yes, my mother did warn me about men
that creep in and out women’s chests at night.

So go on and make a home out of her,
I’m no use to you like this.
I am bloodshed.
I am war.
Too volatile too handle,
and too unpredictable to wait for.
My pain isn’t done baking yet,
but I will wait by the waters until it does.

I am alright in my own solitude…

I’ll make poetry out it.


By: Lulwama Kuto Mulalu