How come, even though
I know it isn't wrong,
I still feel
guilty,
disgusting,
like I am doing something
very
wrong?

I'm trying so hard to sleep
to forget what I've done
because what if you were right?

What if my guilt
that I haven't placed yet
is God's punishment
for being
sinful?

I almost wish we never
had that conversation.
I was uncomfortable
and I didn't realize
what I was getting myself
into.

I don't blame you
for making me feel this way,
it is my own insecurity
that is making me wish
I never abandoned
religion
at
all.

Maybe if I was on
God's good side
again
I wouldn't be having this
dilemma.

It's been ages
and I feel dumb,
I know what I should do
but honestly I'm too scared
to do it.

So I'm going to lie here
and work up the courage
to pray,
because I'm tired
of feeling lost
and feeling
shame.