There's a lot of ugliness in this world. In these four walls alone there's enough to talk about for hours. Everything can turn ugly when you look at it for too long. I started hearing voices in my head tonight. I know it's not me this time because I didn't know what they were going to say next, and I usually do. I'm so scared because each day everything gets more terrible and people become less beautiful than I believed they were. I'm so sick of telling the people I love that everything is going to be okay and I'm even more exhausted of them telling me the same thing. Because we don't really know do we? The demons that arrive tomorrow could make today's seem like a dream. I've seen it, lived it even. I've thought that I could never feel so terrible as I did in that moment and then get proven wrong later on. The worst is, I know what I've been through is not the ultimate worst. I know there will be so many awful times ahead and I can't fathom how I will be able to deal with them. We lose people we love all the time, people move on and don't need you anymore. Sometimes you still need them and that is the most difficult thing to understand. How someone can walk past you, past all your memories and all the love you gave them, are still willing to give, and carry on walking without a second glance. But you will grow out of people too. People that you swore you needed so terribly they were oxygen to you. And it's difficult to know what you stand for and what you believe in at 17. Everything is always changing and nothing is ever permanent. This ugly, ugly world is filled with lies and hurt and darkness. But there are so many lovely things that you have to look for. It's so easy to see the bad but you've made it seventeen years in  this place and there are so many beautiful places and people to meet. And sometimes they will turn ugly over time and that just means you have to look for the next beautiful thing. We all need help, some a little more than others. You have to try to not be sorry for being here and only apologize when you hurt someone. You don't always have to be sorry for making the decisions you want to make, you are so beautiful and filled with kindness and love. It truly breaks my heart to see you tear yourself up and see the way you look at yourself. And nobody can make you believe that you are beautiful but you have to understand that you are. And I mean your mind and your heart as well as your outsides. You have to stick around, you have to stay okay? It's difficult and extremely scary but it's going to be worth it. Yes, the hurt that is coming in the future is inevitable. But it's worth it for all the love and wonderful memories and the adventures waiting for you. You are going to be okay. Everything isn't going to be okay, it never will be. But I love you and you can do it okay?