something really bad took place.
wasnt the first time it happened.
you can tell by the event i am not the same.
i wont bother smiling or laughing.
nobody will believe me
simply because i couldnt count
how many times these things
happen to me and look now...
im ****** up.
im worthy of every pleasure
but love.
howcome its so hard to care for me?
even i cant do it enough to be smart.
why is it impossible to be there for me?
maybe cuz i been through too ******* much...
i cant handle another crack in my chest.
i cant keep another secret for anyone elses

best interest

i cant ******* sleep at night so im deprived of rest that i need cuz i cant live with life being so...
unfair...

do i really put myself in these situations?

theres nothing that hasnt happened to me that i wasnt able to get away from.

yet im still running and the problems are chasing...

and they're all right there i didnt know they were waiting...

i cant think of suicide one more ******* time.
i cant ignore the fact that every one thinks every word i say is a lie.

i cant live with myself being the most ****** up when all i ever do is help every one else...

why do i feel so compelled to make others happy...

when inside its ******* killing me its ******* tearing at me...

im falling apart in my own head i really am..
i cant live through another fall i just cant...
i feel so dead inside and its bound to show itself.
if it hasnt already.
i need to get something to help me survive.
if life'll let me.

theres nothing in this world or out that could put me together in one piece again...

the contemplation of wanting to continue this life breaks the peace again....

everything was settling down and my thoughts were finally silent

until the gun shots went off trigger to my head and it was me behind it.