my first love did not love me back

i watched her from afar as her smile radiated the layers and sheets of the ground that has yet to crumble
hair held back or let down, her face shone and all i could see was the future that wasn't written at the palm of my hands
whenever our eyes reflected, in her i saw everything i could ever want
she was never beyond reach, yet whenever i held her hands and wrists, i felt her pulse skip a beat, and i knew that it was not for me
her lips met others to satisfy and her touch kissed the skin of another
but i remained by her side amongst many others
sometimes i felt as if i was closest to a wave i could ever be, only to be washed away and be brought back to shore
you are that wave, and no matter how many times i am closest to drowning, no matter how many times you drag me back to shore away from you, i will keep swimming, maybe in the hopes that someday i'll be able to join you
and to every sunrise and every sunset of everyday
to every rainfall and to every sunshine we praise
you will always be on my mind no matter what weather or day
as stupid as i sound as a love sick fool, clinging to a wave that easily slips from my skin, that leaves a stinging sensation for every attempt i try to shoot for the heart
i will always be left with sand in my ears and lips cut in between
yet i will continue to watch for that wave, and the sun that peaks through, high up in the sky without a single cloud
i will watch until the layers and sheets underneath me crumble
and even 'til death, you will always be the reminder of the first love that never loved me back

n.j.