At long last I am legally separated
I have been officially liberated
While I wish only the best for my ex wife
I am determined to be single the rest of my life
A wonderful feeling sweeps over me
With the realisation that I am now free
But why do I feel just a little bit scared?
Maybe I am not ready, just not prepared

Now the lads were great, said it would be fun being single
They took me out so many nights, encouraged me to mingle
But it was a different world, something I had ever known
How did I answer a girl who asked if I “was in the Zone”
They laughed in my face when I asked “Would you like to dance”?
I was so far out of date sure I did not stand a chance
I had no pick up lines, what was this “banter” about
In the end I made up excuses not to go out

It's been six months now, worse than I thought
I cannot find the happiness I have constantly sought
And if there is one thing I have grown to hate
It's friends surprising me with yet another blind date!
To be honest I did not have a hope
I am not good with women, I just cannot cope
Though I have seen some ladies I would have liked to ask out
My nerves go to hell and I chicken out!

I have to admit I do not like being alone
But I would rather try sorting it out on my own
And though I know that my friends only mean well
Some of their blind dates were straight from hell!
Many of them I was pleased to send on their way
Just hoping the dog warden was not working that day
I will not use the word ugly, it is quite unkind
But now I know why they say “Love is blind”!

So I tried out the “Singles Club” scene
But got more depressed than I have ever been
There was so much pretence; the whole thing was a sham
I have never seen so much mutton dressed as lamb!
So I decided to give the dating agencies a try
And only found out how much people lie!
Then I thought I would have a go at Internet dating
But my lack of computer skills made it too frustrating
So I thought I might purchase a mail order bride
And I must admit the few I tried
Would have been happy to marry me, Yet;
I could not do it, they seemed so desperate!

I wondered what I was stressing myself out for
And resigned myself to the life of a bachelor
though when I'd see couples holding hands and kissing
I began to think that there was something I was missing
But then I met a woman one day on the bus
And something clicked between the two of us
We have being going out now for almost a year
And I am sure that is wedding bells I hear!!