Sometimes I surprise myself.
I'm the type to never show anyone my emotions.
Its like poker- you don't show the hand you've been dealt or you lose everything.
But sometimes I'll slip up
With you I laid all my cards on the table and gave you a peak.
You took a sledgehammer to the wall of stone surrounding me
Mortar and dust crumbling down
I thought you'd keep me afloat in all of this and you did for a while
But suddenly you left
And I no longer had a wall to lean on
And I felt like I was falling.
Each day was like 1 step forward but then I'd see the sun and it'd remind me of those lazy Sunday mornings we spent on your grandmother's porch
I'd remember the way your lips tasted like lemonade and how when you'd step into the light your freckles would show
"angel kisses" your grandmother called them
And I was so sure she was right
Because if anyone was worthy of an angels kiss it would be you.
And then I'd be 100 steps back.
I spent most of my days that summer lying in bed
With my phone two rooms away so I wouldn't be tempted to call but wishing you would so I could say I was the stronger one. That I wasn't the desperate one. But god was I desperate.
To hear your voice
To trace my fingertips over your arms
To see your eyes crinkle when you laughed.
I was so ******* desperate
But then slowly
I'd spend less of my time wondering about you
and your friends
and the girl you promised me was "nothing to worry about" but I should've known.
I was able to stand again
To keep myself up.
It took me months to heal when I never imagined I could
Sometimes I surprise myself.