In the early hours Sat here deciding That I'm no longer gonna drink. I don't feel hungover I don't feel sick But the low is really not worth it And it's bad It'*****
Very much like I coulda been last night if things had taken a different turn Albeit an unjustified and unnecessary one. Undoubtedly why I'm feeling so glum
Caused by "girls" who can't handle their drink that would knock you the **** out if you looked at them wrong. Yeah those ones
Putting me on the defence, Making ****** comments. Callin me a ponse Cause they think my friend Keeps throwing money behind the bar While we all stand back and let her But they're wrong. I don't think that I've ever been questioned on my generosity Mainly cause no one in that regard has a leg to stand on.
And the fact that my sister felt the need to take me to one side and tell me what they had to say in the bathroom baffles me. I try not to read into it too much cause she's tipsy, but you're making a point about something and I wonder what is the need? IΒ haven't felt this uncomfortable and angry since I was a teen When I had to deal with your dumb friends then and their jealousy. So quit it, I'm too old for this ****.
I wonder if it had kicked off, Would you have backed me? The fact that I'm not so sure Has me questioning loyalties.
Cause it got my back up. It killed my vibe dead. In fact at that point I would have left But the only reason I'm here in the first place is for my friend Yeah you've thrown this surprise birthday for her, that you clearly want recognition for, And it's nice But you've known her for five minutes I've known her for life So relax before you twist in the knife You know nothing
Got me thinking when did peoples opinions that don't matter start mattering to me again? Why did I feel like I somehow had to make amends? Are these really people I wanna call friends? And would this scenario have played out any different minus the drink?
Did that one bad vibe skew my perception of that night onwards Cause I swear these girls were slyly tryin to hot me up as only females do That bitchiness wrapped up in banter but my gut knew When that lil voice in my head took an inhale of breath and went "ooo" Backed up by the realest one, the one I like, tellin em to back off Girls thinkin they're fine cause they got back off, but girls need to back off cause their attitude stinks, grown *** women should know better but oh no they didn't!
Shotting looks at you when you walk off to go talk and dance with the guys. And they wonder why? Reminds me why I prefer male company at times Cause sometimes they're no better.
When did all this insecurity creep back up on me? I think I really need to reevaluate the company I keep. You know what gets me, less than a year ago this wouldn't have even bothered me.
It's funnyΒ cause less than a year ago, I didn't drink or party, it just didn't appeal to me. I contemplate the reason why I started cause this is far from being carefree. When you're starting to relate to those who will stand on the edge of Waterloo Bridge to test the waters you're far from happy. So I stop and think...
**And I know It's definitely time to stop the drink.
Insecurity and alcohol is just a bad combination all round. Depression and alcohol is a no go
I'm not good with hate, especially unjustified hate which to be fair most of it is.