Its another sleepless night, and i'm trying to figure out what i'm doing with my life, again. I'm often short of breath, lost in my thoughts. In a sea of darkness. I'm running through this maze of pain, I've been told that I would never get out by myself. My stubbornness has taken me further in this maze than I have ever gone, I’ve usually blacked out by now, screamed by now, cried by now. Ive been lost for too long and I will not give up today. Its getting hard to breathe even when i'm outside, Its getting hard to see, even if the sun might be shinning, theres always a cloud right above me. I'm tired and by myself. I feel like these walls have started to cave in on me, these last couple months the cloud above me has been pouring, and this maze is filling up with water, its getting hard to breathe again, and ive forgotten how to swim. Every turn gets darker and looking back holds nothing for me. I wish someone was trying to find me, I keep hearing screams, but none hold my name. I use to be woken up every morning by the sun, but this cloud doesn't leave. I keep running through this maze and still have not found an exit. I keep running through these paths filled with pictures of familiar faces, dont be angry when I scream that I'm trying to leave them before they leave me. I stumble into a room of mirrors, the only good thing about this cloud is that it makes it hard to see my reflections, but I need to face me, see me. Try and understand that i'm not crazy when I say how much I hate me! Maybe its a lack in faith, but in all honesty its a lack in me. I keep running into my grandfather’s empty house in this disgusting maze. Its been left abandon and collapsing. That once beautiful house, has been broken into, robbed of all its joy. How could this amazing place that was filled with great memories for me be here. But the door was broken down from the inside, the glass from the windows lay outside his house. That house is now behind him, it no longer holds anything for him, I’m sorry if one day you pass by and see my house collapsing, but it’s because I finally found the exit to this maze.
4/25/15