Apr 2015
I found out there was fire lingering beneath this skin,
but it isn't of desire and I don't want to begin
accepting death because a pressure expects breath because of flesh.
I need a cure that isn't time for expiration of the fresh.
For incessant insecure impressions,
For obscure convalescent depression.
For when the most unsure become expected to procure
From those defaulted most demure, the idolatry sense of pure(ity)
[Pure] (it evil answer idol along and so sure)
purity villains were right all along and so sure
maybe for eternity despite killing wrong I'm insecure.
'twas thought was sure
Now wrought hot fur-(y)
(Fur)[y motion] from the prime upon itself,
[Emotion]
To where the very notion of good health,
fuels firey devotion to destroy myself.
I found out there was fire lingering beneath this skin,
but it isn't of desire and I don't want to begin
accepting death because a pressure expects breath because of flesh.
I need a cure that isn't time for expiration of the fresh.
I'm where the very notion of good health,
fuels firey devotion to destroy myself.
but it isn't of desire and I don't want to begin
accepting death because a pressure expects breath because of flesh.
I need a cure that isn't time for expiration of the fresh.
For incessant insecure impressions,
For obscure convalescent depression.
For when the most unsure become expected to procure
From those defaulted most demure, the idolatry sense of pure(ity)
[Pure] (it evil answer idol along and so sure)
purity villains were right all along and so sure
maybe for eternity despite killing wrong I'm insecure.
'twas thought was sure
Now wrought hot fur-(y)
(Fur)[y motion] from the prime upon itself,
[Emotion]
To where the very notion of good health,
fuels firey devotion to destroy myself.
I found out there was fire lingering beneath this skin,
but it isn't of desire and I don't want to begin
accepting death because a pressure expects breath because of flesh.
I need a cure that isn't time for expiration of the fresh.
I'm where the very notion of good health,
fuels firey devotion to destroy myself.
Written about last month's serotonin syndrome, spurned by doctors who don't care to listen, and offer only, "what we are doing is the best that can be done."
About the suffocation of depression at the idea of THIS being the BEST WE CAN DO.
This isn't living.
For the growing hatred for myself. Unknowing the line that defines what is within my control and that which is not (neurological), the issues I am having and resulting inability to leave the house become attributed to lack of character. And i hate myself for losing tome, I hate myself for sleeping, I hate myself for staying up. I hate myself for avoiding and I hate myself for isolating.
Thank God for the appointment on the 12th in Seattle with a neurologist and narcolepsy specialist.
About the suffocation of depression at the idea of THIS being the BEST WE CAN DO.
This isn't living.
For the growing hatred for myself. Unknowing the line that defines what is within my control and that which is not (neurological), the issues I am having and resulting inability to leave the house become attributed to lack of character. And i hate myself for losing tome, I hate myself for sleeping, I hate myself for staying up. I hate myself for avoiding and I hate myself for isolating.
Thank God for the appointment on the 12th in Seattle with a neurologist and narcolepsy specialist.
