I'm afraid to fall back and I'm afraid to give in, yet it seems like the only thing on my mind. I'm afraid you'll judge my choices and you'll distance yourself from me. I'm afraid to let go because of the little bottle cap of hope in my heart that someone will pull the rope and cuddle all my sorrows away. I'm afraid you'll leave just like the rest and id be left alone with the thoughts still wandering in my head. I'm afraid to show people who I really am in fear of rejection, pity, or annoyance. I'm afraid to actually worry about myself because I think I've reached the point of insanity with no safety mechanism. I'm afraid to be stuck with nothing to look forward to and anxiety from the past. I'm afraid to never be loved; truly loved by someone who knows the very inch of my hair and my favorite rhetorical question. I'm afraid to let go but I'm afraid to keep holding on too. I guess I'm just afraid of fear or oblivion or the world or my mind or myself or the stars or my best friend. And to be completely honest, I'm afraid to no longer know what I'm afraid of anymore. maybe it's everything. or maybe it's truly nothing at all.
-mxy