Can I just say
***** you for alwasy leaving me
to question things?
To wonder what the heck will come of you and me?
What in Hell
made you think it was okay
to treat me like I was just a game
a fragile heart created for your play?

***** you
for leaving me blaming myself
***** you
for leaving me to worsen my own health.

And I know it's unfair for me to blame you.
You were young too
and I know you didn't know what on earth to do
about the days that my heart was soaking more in black than blue.

But I think that it was you
that handed me the dye.
You brought back the hate
and allowed me paint
the black abyss
in which
I sunk deeper
with all your lies.

And you try to come back
just when I've creawled out
like a slap
to the face,
a silent shout
into the void,
the abyss, a vaccuum
muting all noise.

And thank goodness for that.
the silence
because you can't take back
all of your lies
and I can't take
any more of your bull