i think a lot about the things i can’t change
why the sky is the shade of blue it is
why worms move the weird way they do
why i still love you when you don’t seem to love me
all things that make no sense to me
you treated my body like a piece of land
and every mole, scar, and stretch mark was an eye sore
you said my paranoia was cute
and me locking, unlocking, and relocking the doors was ‘precious’
now you said it was an annoying habit you wished I would break
sometimes i wonder if you miss me the same way that i miss you
i wonder if you stay awake at night twisting and mangling your body into the positions that ours would fit together
i stay awake at night and lose hours of sleep thinking about you
and even when i find myself drifting to sleep i find your image fluttering underneath my eyelids and manipulating my dreams
even as i’m unconscious in the only place i felt safe you are still a constant reminder
i trace my lips with my index finger just like you used too
you always did this before we kissed
i remember clear as day the one time you didnt
that was the last time i saw you without tears in my eyes
begging you not to leave me
you told me i was a burden
I was a lost cause
and i knew that meant you had found someone else whisper sweet nothings too
i know you kiss her the way you kissed me
there was a girl before
and I don't doubt there will be another after
i was nothing to you
and you were everything to me
you will climb mountains
well i drown in the lakes that sit peacefully below