I wish I had a reason on why I stay up all night
Like a lover by my side and our endless goodbyes
If only I had closed my eyes and called it a night
Instead of spending so much time staring at blank spaces and blinding lights
Computer screens that give me headaches in return for relief
And non-existent people I look up to and believe
I wish I had someone I loved by my side
Instead of my arms wrapped in scars and pulses that I thought will always keep me alive
I wish I had someone who made me crave for love
Instead of this annoying anticipation for death and giving up
And the urge to cut and mutilate for the sake of a friend
Who helped build me up until I could be ready for my death bed

I wish I had a reason on why I stay up all night
Instead of these thoughts that course through my body and veins
Preparing and hoping that maybe, today will be that day

n.j.