Born,
Under a silent indigo sky,
In the shadow of the forest,
On the shore of the Pacific Ocean,
Born from the bones of earth,
Voice from the wind and deep sea,
Crowned an eagle feather and fire.

My bird spirit asked me to believe, messages only meant for me —
“Journey to the golden sun,
Meet the shadow,
Save your child,
Become one.”

“From a sea of blood,
A monster will rise,
Unleashing a storm beneath the surface of your skin.
Growing tired and weary,
Mistrusting winds pushing you forward,
Fighting against currents,
Allow the grey skinned creature to carry you to an unknown shore.”

Born,
A warrior,
Gifted a life determined to confront darkness,
Wisdom and medicine to heal tribes,
Power to embrace death and love,
The slayer of monsters,
Child of the golden sun,
I am one.

My wolves are at war,
Angry ******* beasts,
Mapping out their territory,
Tattooing stigmata on my flesh,
Haunting my moon,
My soul a ****** battleground,
Stripped bones,
Marrow ****** dry.

At the first speck of dawn,
I am their master,
Shackling my beasts,
To distant lands,
Decaying facades and dead spirits.
My wolves howl,
Begging,
Feed me,
Break my chains,
Set me free.

smoke licks the walls,
seep through the cracks,
finding me on the other side,
I inhale,
tasting you at the back of my throat,
hard in my head,
I float.
Blood cells go black,
I fade,
into bright embers,
return to the earth.

What happens,
Every time I let you back in.
I am alone and sad.
Infinitely.
And I wait for the day to come but it never does. For the big hole in my heart to go away,
but you make it bigger.
I should love myself more.
More than you.

Set aside that woman,
The one I use to be,
the girl with twisted smiles,
and wild eyes and loud laughter.
Replaced her with a stranger,
serving supper like a servant.
In search of that glass slipper,
the one that is suppose to fit.
Losing confidence in what made me, me.
Thinking that this stranger was the better woman to be.

i find you in my hems
and in my hair
i can't believe i let you go there.
traded in my soul,
so i could give you more.
our fears were your fuel,
you were you,
i could not be me.
and your convincing lies,
made me believe that i
should never leave.

your shiny new wheels,
and chickadees,
and all the Ben Franklin's in the world,
can not replace
the woman,
the friend,
you found in me.
i leave you,
pieces
to find,
in your cracks and corners,
where emptiness hides.