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Jan 2017 · 578
Untitled
Pen Lux Jan 2017
a slave
he says
so brave
then he ends
with a thrash of his teeth
saying, "just ask me please!"

is it a crime for me to want these things
that cannot be seen?
Jan 2017 · 1.5k
giving time
Pen Lux Jan 2017
holding on for better days
leaving the ones that left me dazed
thoughts that blurred
leave me amazed

broken
always broken
patterns which remained
the same

my heart wont part
or gush or beat
connecting is all to do
it seems
Oct 2016 · 996
nectarines and willow trees
Pen Lux Oct 2016
I have a persistent existence

there are echoes in his shadowed clouds
thunder and rain drops falling from the sky
he says he loves me
but I dare not ask why

I share my dreams
so detailed it seems

they're made up things

he has seen me lie
so I tell the truth

until it echoes
   e c h  o   e   s
like how my eyelids open

to the sound of thunder
to the sounds of my mistakes

he shakes the wake of my existence
holds no pride in his resistance

teaches me to be true
in all that I do

even when

staying up late nights
I explain to him what it is I write
regretting nothing
forgiving fights

the words mean more than nothing
because
the confusion of our illusions
that we can't believe in
drop like rain
they drop like rain

singing pain in the untold thoughts
that mean more
than the washed up shore
that had tidal waves
(untold graves)  
seashells sea ringing
(the hells are singing)

so don't stop bringing
your music, your art
the love we have
not yet torn apart

keep playing
keep singing
love bringing

your heart
creates art
thank you.
Jul 2016 · 2.1k
the (e)motions of time
Pen Lux Jul 2016
love is not so far away
this morning
a kiss on the lips
and a shut door

inspiration blooms in the shade
while the sun burns down
on the back of his neck
as he works
peeling away old memories
past hurt and pains
trust that was broken
each day
he gains
sends flames

writing
in this habitat
somewhat of a
solitude

sleeping in his bed
dreams run through my head
nightmares or sweet dreams
waking is breaking through the seems
what I've seen and what I've done
are comparable to none
again, today is different
but similar to yesterday

my mind is still running
while my heart still wants to play
my body isn't moving
for my soul is bound by passion

desire is an unworthy foe
who I believed to be a friend
not so long ago

love is not the enemy
such as I used to believe
I think to move is worth it

tending to the garden,
the flowers, and the trees

yes, time is moving forward
and it's my turn to follow suit
time is moving forward
and all I see
is me
and you
Jun 2016 · 791
1 of 22 in 22
Pen Lux Jun 2016
ten years
of writing
and sharing.
of erasing fear
from what I share.

a decade later
and I am asked
to be quiet, told,
I talk too much.
figuring, if I talk
too much, too quickly,
I have learned nothing.

so I write.

this place is safe
pen on page
words on screen
no real name
truly facing shame(s).

words can hurt
but writing can change,
an outlook, an image,
a feeling, a tone.

there's something about here
me, alone, with these words,
that stops the constant curiosity
of what others may say or do,
because with these forms of words,
only beauty may resound.

no, "telephone game"
of, "who said this, she said,
he said," distorted and mangled.
re-angled! painful miscommunications
avoided so simply. LOOK HERE, look here!
if you misunderstood, read again, or interpret.
these words were written for me and about me,
inspired, perhaps, by others actions or words,
but honesty can happen in abstract ways
much like the daze that follows, when one
says and they say, so instead, I choose to
hurt no one, on purpose or by mistake
instead I will express myself within
this realm of word play!
(it has been ten years since I wrote and shared my first poem with another person, and 7 since I have been sharing here on HP. I figured since I am no good at doing push ups, I will do a 22 poems in 22 days challenge! feel free to join and tag your poem 22 in 22)
May 2016 · 708
eating meetings
Pen Lux May 2016
thinking lately
"baby, bate me"
indigestion
if you grate me
no longer in the past
forget the late me
maybe you could
date me?

drama here in the mountains
breakdowns and bus stops
kids who feel entitled
parents cash in their jeans
screaming, obscenes
strange scenes
heart on my sleeve
people here say I'm too deep
as the truth creeps like snow melting
waterfalls breaking through
and I scream just as obscene
because the truth is much more difficult
and I didn't come here for an easy ride
or to build my pride
I quicken my stride
with thoughts of home
as I face the faces who scream,
"this is our mountain and we can do what we want with it!"
I disagree over quick paces
the coarseness of burnt toast
the smell of fresh brewed coffee
and I quicken my pace
quicken so I don't have to feel the weight of their egos
so that I can try and break away from my own
I feel so alone with myself
when did I forget I was here
that I'm all I need?

I miss the ones I love as I bleed
struggling to breed my own love
to move on and to move up
forgive the past and destroy the ruts

another day counting cigarette butts
May 2016 · 630
16-21
Pen Lux May 2016
harmonizing with my inner self
not much food left on the shelf
but I am full, so full, I explode
bursting with self-expression
my explosions, although,
abrasive. often catch a
curious eye from the
distance and my
explosion's lux
is almost a
beauty
such
as
the
stars.

I am far
far out
and
away
not sure how long I will stay
not sure how long before I leave
all I know is that I need to believe
in myself and the consciousness I have been granted.

intelligence is not something to be feared,
rather, revered. perhaps my mind walks too fast,
gets stuck in the past, rewinds and repeats laps.
if my heart felt any different about the things I said,
then my soul might not matter, and my mind would be dead.
so rather than cry and worry about others opinions, others
clique par-say part-tea par-tay's. I shall say, HEY, I am me
and you are you, but don't put me down because of the
mistakes you make and the wrongs you do. I might
look **** when I cry, I might look **** when I cry,
I might, but it's no excuse for the abuse that all
these people seem to choose. I said it again,
and I say it again, patience is peace, and
peace is release. A lesson I still struggle
to maintain. I might look **** when
I cry, because peace is release, if I
choose to be, if I let it be. peel
back your eyes and see, I'm
a reflection of you, you're
a reflection of me.
Pen Lux May 2016
backwards breaking
belligerent bleeding
no success
in the wanting
no independence
in the needing
counterproductive concepts
crumbling creativity
no more
knowing
no more
clinging
no more
ringing
subtle silences
scorching screams

it's not a holiday
but we're drinking
smoking *******
threatening our hearts
with ideas of "again"
of "tomorrows"

the best time to dream is
from 7:30am to 8:15am
those are the dreams
you wake up with
the dreams that feel so real
that life is more dreamlike
so fantasies stay and play
no fear left in your heart
no longer needing to be wrapped in another
the only love is created from within
not from each other's

so let the mountains surround
and the music drowned
no drinking tonight
NO drinking tonight
don't bring it or leave it
I wake up at night
chug water
heavy breathing

I miss his kiss, back, tongue, hips
so, no drinking tonight, I want to
let go, not sink in.

rising up
as I'm
growing up
****
waking up
middle of the night
still drunk
throwing up
****
no drinking tonight

shedding layers in the light
I'll glow off the snow tonight
Pen Lux Apr 2016
for myself
the Yuba's pulse
is that of the scent of coffee
freshly brewed
lightly roasted
early in the morning
in the middle of winter

comfort in the heartbeat
of the community

soon I will drift off
like wood
strong
not seeking
simply floating in the current
rushing through the waves
becoming one with what surrounds me
always floating
nothing will drowned me

Colorado isn't so far away
that my love won't reach those who stay
I'm afraid that I can no longer steep
I'm fresh hot tea, and biscuits!
Ready to eat!

I'm taking a bite of life
to nourish my soul
this valley of grass
no longer my (w)hole!
no longer another day
wishing to move on
it's time to let go
to see a new dawn!

the horizon so bright!
the road awaits my travels
and I await my fate

another day for another friend
no such hurt that love won't mend
I find myself better when I am with myself
so here I go into the world
to feel a new river
smell a new smell
see a sight unknown without fright
no tightening in my stomach
fluttering at best

wings never at rest
sprouting from my back
fueled by my chest
the beating inside
reverberates externally
although my physical being moves
my love for this place, these people
and the land, my love will stand

eternally.
Apr 2016 · 471
frantic romantics
Pen Lux Apr 2016
I've been looking without seeing
talking without listening
screaming with no sound
loving endlessly, hopelessly
I'm not proud about the
slamming in my chest,
persistent knocking.

Fear is tempting me; walk!
Go see him; Go break yourself.

Maybe one day I will learn not to love,
to give, to share, to spend, to hold on,
so quickly, so easily, so hard.
in with the old and out with the new
in with the new and out with the old
in and out with the old and new
this poem, I'm not sure how old,
feels like new!
Mar 2016 · 465
hm
Pen Lux Mar 2016
hm
an illusion of acts
destroyed by the facts
it's innocence she lacks
holding back
attacks

the words she wants to speak
are the words that make a creak,
horrifying shriek!

saying what I feel
and actually feeling
instead of suppressing
passive aggressive thoughts

solitude gives me strength
people give me strength
learning to balance time
is harder than balancing my body
one legged, arms stretched out in front of me
Mar 2016 · 348
headache
Pen Lux Mar 2016
another day
proving to myself
that I can be myself

**no apologies or excuses included
Mar 2016 · 724
tartiness
Pen Lux Mar 2016
she was the smell of gasoline and bubblegum
a sweet rancidness that filled my lungs
made me choke, on her
the aroma of Then
lingering even Now
more time passes
memories slow-burning
to ashes, in planters
new life emerges
more time passes
the Future awaits
patiently in peace
as Now blooms,
lives, dies, passes
rhythmic life
let me forget
as time passes
smell new roses
let me live in the rhythm of Now
rather than swaying against it.

Now.

I am.

popping bubbles
burning gasoline
moving forward
as time passes.
words words words
weird inspiration
weird words weird words
let's explore! the weird worlds words
Oct 2015 · 711
green on the inside
Pen Lux Oct 2015
white powder mildew in my ears
whisper something I can hear
it's fear
give me something to harness
maybe fill this emptiness
it's clear
two blue eyes and a mouth full of doubt
I want to hear you shout
that you're here
Feeling broken all the time I lose myself
within the rhyme
my dear

cold winters rain
weathers game
I'm feeling insane

I'm a black dove
you're a green-leaf newt
I'm not sure what to do

green leafed crystals canopy
over me like
a cave
surrounded by a miracle
working but never
a slave
no dreams could dare to stand against
such a sweet
magnificence.

in the wind
they bowed
as I danced
in and out,  through & through
small white plastic
cubes
inescapable t a n g l e s
reach up and under while
imagining

all the
                        a
                            n
     ­                            g
                              l
                         e
                    s
**blue on the out

--in progress-
Sep 2015 · 502
shadow of light
Pen Lux Sep 2015
blood lines
moon veins
balance in
taking chances
beneath the skin
charging chakras

chanting mantras
demons creeping
loving to taunt us
one mentions two
the placebo begins
so rather than holding
on and sinking in
we're sprouting out
as Fall begins

ancient colors
soft chilled winds
clouds parting
faded sunlight
canopying in

green folds to gold
as brewing stories unfold
every month a holiday
from the first to the end
growing older
repeating habits
writing again
writing until my sins
feel less like sin
and more like progress

progressive evils
tentative friends
nature morphing
surrounding me
a creature again
paling and darkening
Sep 2015 · 1.0k
sad cat
Pen Lux Sep 2015
Headed for the desert where
brown sands and blue skies
hold no traces of my insides.

His loves were his lies
tough and sticky, his words
taffy words, which I would chew
all tangled in my teeth and beginning
to root deeper until his lies were my gospel.

With faith so stubborn it refused to let go,
I began to breed his insanity through
following and repeating, cavities,
bad habits that feel good for
brief moments until you
wake up wanting to
disappear, rewind
or just die, to
forget it.

Headed into the mountains
where towering trees teach me to Stand Tall
and the river tells me to Let Go.

The wind whispering:
                         secrets are for the weak.
                          
Discretion is what creates mystery,
filtering speech is a gift I have yet
to behold for much longer than a
meditation in a crowded room. so
instead of passion, I choose peace.

Headed to downcast weather and
snow littered pavement. Fresh air
and a new enchantment, where I
find opportunities with each inch
that layers upon layers, snow like
onions, skin like ice, onion hearted
peeling and half in the trash, half
in half just barely beating for more
sense of security in adventure and
pulsing and throbbing with the
excitement for the unknown.

patience is peace. patience is peace. patience is peace.
peace is release. peace is release. peace is release.
Sep 2015 · 474
after work? poetry
Pen Lux Sep 2015
alright, don't invite me
see if I care what you
share with the other people
you might call friends
who are simply pawns.

                  it feels strange to finally write about you

I was going to write by
hand and in a letter
but you never deserved
it in the first place so
why? I ask myself why
in the hell would you deserve it now?

you said you like
me because I'm articulate
In reality I think it's because
I took your **** without spitting
everything back for you to look at
you brought my hand to the bottle
made me numb to your toxicity
while I was ******* on your
***, never ******* both, HA
you only kissed me when
you were bored and
never because you
really wanted it
hating truth
hating you
......    ......
     ......

alright, I DON'T HATE YOU, but I want to tell you
                 i hate you
for what you let me become and for what you didn't tell me
for all the time I spent thinking about you and for all the time
wasted wishing that you thought about me too for what you
always gave and for what you never gave because all I ever
wanted was tobeclosewithyou apparently I got trapped in
one of those cliche phrases "keep your friends close and
you enemies closer" perhaps you knew I wouldn't like you
if I wasn't drunk, you knew I would get bored and leave

well, chocolate truffle, you were my worst mistake

I am learning who my friends are

darling, you were only fake
it's weird making friends and losing friends and why and what and who where when well... because that **** happens

I don't know, but I have had a great *** day and this poem
really really really helps me in a weird way to feel even better!
Sep 2015 · 465
sleep still
Pen Lux Sep 2015
popular outcasts
    drawing together
only go out in downcast
                weather
        tangled or tethered?

eating energy to release energy
    an expense that tastes good
chewing instead of grinding
   succulent daze leave me
crazed in this maze
   left to digest what's left
of what was supposed to never be
    maybe it was all me trapped
in my own fearful mistakes
     tossing and turning in nightmares
so afraid I dare not wake to reality
   scary, but in a different way
Sep 2015 · 429
crusts
Pen Lux Sep 2015
eat sleep do the dishes
wake to it again and a
-gain may cross your-
way
subtle mistakes which
flake off like pie crust
stirring is becoming a
new habit for when I
want to release some
passion or relieve my
stresses within limits
without consequence
away
**** goes grief anger
pain indeed relieving
inhaling exhaling
breathing
eating
Sep 2015 · 643
a lil' bit
Pen Lux Sep 2015
poetry doesn't need to be perfect
work on yourself and it will work you
Sep 2015 · 555
what am I even doing
Pen Lux Sep 2015
tired of fighting
glass words
leave me shattered

kisses and touches
that I once thought mattered
rebuild me
with your broken wings
let me curl your feathers
so when you leave
you're in circles
still thinking of me

blinking
squinting
lost in the ride
afraid of what's ahead
a suicidal girl
who already feels like she is dead
eating bread
staying home alone
letting the music play
and the TV drone

**** instead of *** today
******* the thoughts away
legs have never been an open gate
although she doesn't make you wait

you're special
shut up
get inside
eat a home cooked meal
and ******* love yourself

*******
love
yourself
or at least try
Sep 2015 · 389
so many bee's
Pen Lux Sep 2015
if our first kiss
was my last kiss
I'm not sure if
I would miss
the others
anymore
sinking
feelings
nothing more
more sore
or worn out from the throw of it
the bend and shortly following
the snap
snapping back into reality
back into myself
ego fully shattered
from receiving decent help
from my God
whichever one...
you believe or disbelieve
doesn't mean a thing to me
whole
completed
alone through the thick
and the thin of it
my backs
backed tight
and I'm starting to get
a hold of it
feeling the mold of it
moist clay
not so gentle and fragile
when it's dry
it's bound to break
so here's a thank
you
for all that you do
all you don't do
and whatever
we do together
never better
at least it
no longer aches
when we're apart
shattered heart no longer glaring
simply healing in it's staring
good night
slow and steady
good morning

are you ready for the day?
stop expecting
start projecting

-stream of consciousness write-
inspiration in a hurry
Sep 2015 · 377
shorts
Pen Lux Sep 2015
love turns to
want
turns to need
turns to,
"don't talk to me,
please."
hate burns
to dislike turns
to just might,
burns it's black light.

I lost you in the purple hues
of all things we used to do.
I  knew that what I felt was true,
you could see it in my eyes
and feel it in my touch,
I'm being honest
and I think it scares you.
Sep 2015 · 740
bler
Pen Lux Sep 2015
disconnected
hot, tired
restless
sick of waiting

reconnecting
warm, tired
overwhelmed
still wanting to test this

swarming under the sun
we take turns
finding breaks
through the buzz

stuck together
seeking flowers
with skin soft as silk,
milk made of nectar
Aug 2015 · 312
Untitled
Pen Lux Aug 2015
a broken society
I tear myself
away
not only
from it
but
from everything else belonging to it
tragic shifting
drifting
d
o
   w
   n  
w
a
r
  d
unsure times
police committing crimes
broken citizens
locked away for life
when the only thing they were resisting
was to give up their human rights
**random inspiration, thought I'd post
Aug 2015 · 412
lessons
Pen Lux Aug 2015
Bukowski says poetry is not for the faint of heart. I feel a small ache as I turn another of his pages. What have I been neglecting? Myself, the words, the reality? The reality which the words showed me. Too much for a growing girl, growing in swirls, rather than up, just crazy. Same road again, almost every morning, anxiety. Awkward again, sick and angry boy. He breaks silence with ****** functions and doesn't like to repeat himself.
Okay, Bukowski, you're right.
Poetry is not for the faint of heart.
he art, she art, it will tear you apart... if you let it.
random note I wrote, thought I would share
Aug 2015 · 347
directions
Pen Lux Aug 2015
fearful seconds
overbursting
minute to minute
times grind
separating signs
weeks turn to months
turn to
dreams
again last night
awakening sight
as I closed my eyes
awake in my mind
unsure of what I'd find
while pleasantly surprised
blue waves and black holes
stars that've shown color
stripping away the white
but still glowing
reflecting forgiveness
Aug 2015 · 516
some nice things
Pen Lux Aug 2015
it's nice to find
satisfaction
in hoping

it's nice to feel
my mind
opening

it's nice to see
a path
constructing

it's nice to know
everything
is fluxing

it's nice to be
me
and nobody else

it's nice to
finally
love myself
Aug 2015 · 618
off the back
Pen Lux Aug 2015
nothing comes to mind any more
everything goes and moves faster
too fast to catch, an unavoidable crash
we've clashed and separated, broken
another love for another life
whether we were ever friends
is the question
even though you prayed, "friends forever"

silence discomforts the demons within you
so you hum and sing and talk about nothing
to collapse whatever comfort my angels live in
you'd rather see me withering, wilted
so much beauty in death! so much beauty...

I tap my teeth together, click
I clench my jaw, tick tick
I clench my fist, thick tricks....
lying again, you're lying again
and I cry in your presence
salt water spelling out "stop this"
I bite my lips when I wanna kiss

tortured souls with tender hearts
can't mend one if the other is falling apart
Jul 2015 · 1.2k
summeries
Pen Lux Jul 2015
blueberries
raspberries
blackberries
feed me cherries
I'm feeling daring
shut out of caring
music's blaring
strawberries
peaches
nectarines
you're in my dreams
morphing right in front of me
moonlight dusted, coarse,
untrusted.
tip tap toeing
tip tap
tipping over and drizzling,
sizzling steam
let me scream
because
no one is listening
May 2015 · 538
rerung
Pen Lux May 2015
seeing myself in the morning
only this one is different
not so lonely
more homely
comfortable
yet, unfamiliar
not so *****
more ****
confident
yet, restless

I want to hold on
to the best of this
lips pressed into
a kiss, one before
and after
another
never ending
it seems
Pen Lux Apr 2015
if not a love so wild
then assume that something pure will do
perhaps assumptions
may capture the best in dust
left for the rest
to rot
and
rust in the dirt
yeah, it hurts
for all it's worth
I would give birth
relieve your thirst
while letting go
of the little things
holding the space
between
you and me
and
make believe

yes

we dream
sweet stones, got me ******
Feb 2015 · 546
remainZzz
Pen Lux Feb 2015
pablo took me to school today
"esquella mah nillah"

he shuffles along
like the soundtrack
to my everyday
he sings along
to the movement
like the muscles
& the blood that pumps through my veins
Feb 2015 · 5.9k
The Heist
Pen Lux Feb 2015
hip-hop
split my mind open,
hear me flip-flop
happily irritated
watching your
constipated
face break
heavy tears
you shake
you ache
so take
a break
and take
a breath

digging holes
taking pills
sliding down
murderin'
fillin' hills
the chills
my thrills
no bills
countin' kills
ten fingers
smell lingers
hell bringers
not singers

give me that...
bring me there...



shovels
the troubles
my doubles
be bubbles
black moths
white veins
no money
hopping trains
you blame
the rain
for pain
insane
to think
a drink
of water
taught her
brought her
to the edge
nothing left
to take

so...

give me that...
underground....


hip-hop
split my mind open,
hear me flip-flop
happily irritated
watching your
constipated
face break
heavy tears
you shake
you ache
so take

a breath
ahhhhhhh

give me that...
bring me there...  

we're going underground


your games
my flames
the names
we tame
the light
breaks night
we slide
we hide
in
the
dark
so take
a breath

Underground...


hip-hop
split my mind open,
hear me flip-flop
happily irritated
watching your
constipated
face break
heavy tears
you shake
you ache
so take

take me
bake me
shake the dirt
from my bones
love's
no longer
got me
in a
choke hold
feeling bold
stories told
so grab
a hold
as we unfold

underground
no longer bound
by fear
my dear
the present is clear
growing and sprouting
underground


these are lyrics I wrote for a rap to some beats and the track name was "the heist"
Feb 2015 · 440
contriptuial
Pen Lux Feb 2015
We are all one
recycled energy
fluxing in and
                         out
               of existence.
We are but waves,
pulling each other
under, and bursting
into the light with
burning lungs,
flowing through the motions
of
daily life.

Sink or swim?
You decide. ~
Feb 2015 · 633
hatchoo hike koo'
Pen Lux Feb 2015
emptiness is great
it clears way for reflection
in a way you're free
Feb 2015 · 621
merp
Pen Lux Feb 2015
relationship vacation

love trials // take one (year)

relationship inflation

loves cost // takes two (people)
Feb 2015 · 809
words
Pen Lux Feb 2015
words:
a poets kiss

water:
to wet your
                     tongue
throat                    
               lips

tell me this:

which set of words
arranged in which way
would send me in the direction
of your heart, hands, head, just ahead?

which tone of voice...

soothes you into sleep
to awaken the greatest dreams?

or shakes you into daybreak
to my face, smiling, you inside?

which tone would I need
to hone enough of a melody that will keep you near?

and which would I need to move you closer
so that you would be right here?

What could I hear
in the deep
dark marks
of your scars?

What could I learn
as we drink
walking
talking
playing
in bars?

What more would spill
from you, if, instead of
ingesting toxins...
we just keep talking //
instead in daylight
through forests
up mountains
down river
up stream
I bet you'd beam!

I say it all as if I know you, but I honestly don't know a thing.

words: a poets kiss
Feb 2015 · 472
charred hard, black
Pen Lux Feb 2015
drifting
I am lifted
on my own
muscles aching
feels like
rubber bands
stretched too thin
snapped back too fast

sifting
I am buried
inside myself
mind aching
feels like
not enough sleep
with too much to drink
left to sink
thinking
about who I might have met

last night

subtle connections
second distractions
too soon and the moon
says goodbye
as do you

nothing left
save a name
something
one thing
I can keep

I'm saving the memory
Jan 2015 · 444
eggshell practices
Pen Lux Jan 2015
I'm not sure if I'm
more sad
             or relieved
that you don't read
what I write
or that I
sometimes
keep you up
late at night
twisting and turning
               sweating body
             getting hot in your
sleep so hot that you
wake to another
smoldering morning
              another hard day
          a chance to fight the world
             to punish whomever
              because you deserve it
             your loneliness a cave
          that you're a slave to
too afraid to find a home
unsure how to speak
    no signs of being weak
       just angry
alone in your rage
your pen writing your wage
as you build up your cage
the walls of your spirit
bury themselves deep
  an attempt to escape
    solemn efforts
    mouth agape
you'll find no empathy from me
not any more, no, not again
no longer lovers, we were never friends
unrequited, ignited and scarred
not knowing your own strengths
you kept your heart barred
then swung hard
   almost a year since
no regrets yet
almost a life spent
wasted and thrown
hollow bombshell feelings
I write you with my fingertips
while I write these poems too
I hope we never cross paths again
because it's true, I still love you
Jan 2015 · 505
Tea
Pen Lux Jan 2015
Tea
I learned her name
the way I learned to deal with pain
I felt her inside of you
burning fast and hard like forest fires
I knew her memory in flames
which shown through your eyes as we touched
one of my best friends spoke her name
images of you rushing through me like waterfalls
trickling down sweat from my exposed flesh and hanging hair
they ate food together, talked of her travels, proved me wrong again
her name rushed through my mind as I meditated
the waterfalls became quicksand, engulfing me
again, it's hard to breathe, it's hard to think
so instead I learn because it's time again
leave me to the rotting in, writing
it's okay to be alone again
I'll forget her name
as soon as I see her face
her face is in my head, the dread
the song of the symphony in her smile
jealousy and jam and jelly and peanut butter
and let me get fat through sweets and beats blaring
I'm done with caring so much about the little things
just another day to go outdoors, not running, just jamming
dancing along the concrete concord of my pathway
this day has been productive, building knowledge
storing knowledge and expanding insights
again, I say, I am beginning, begging
only slightly... for new beginnings
continuing forward, no delays
soon to see brighter days
no one left to show me
the way is within
steady, forward
let's begin

although, never again
t   o  g   e   t    h   e    r
Jan 2015 · 276
take a look
Pen Lux Jan 2015
look at you
I'm winning
isn't that enough?

look at me
you're aching
how much is too much?

look at us
we're breaking
too much is enough
Jan 2015 · 323
back to back baby
Pen Lux Jan 2015
today when asked what I would do with the rest of my life
(if I could pick anything I wanted regardless of money)
I told the whole class that I wanted to be a beat poet
in a jazz band, but I didn't tell them: I also want to sing

my baby told me
I'm dancing with a demon slayer
put her lips to my ear
whispered, "some secrets are meant to be shared."
if only I had cared
caressed her
skin to skin
but habits die
                        hard
and I have trouble beginning
because I'm so afraid of
                                          the end
Jan 2015 · 340
--turning
Pen Lux Jan 2015
functioning in beats of
rhythmic movements

5am is the best time for
f   r   a g    
               m   e    n  
                           t e   d
                              m   o    m  
                                    e   n  
                                              t        s
before              I                       rush
                                                            into life
to learn and be learned
maybe even                      teach myself
                watch me as I    
touch myself
Jan 2015 · 515
lawn / tight / history
Pen Lux Jan 2015
another night out
dancing alone in the crowd
music blaring, loud
the singer, a voice
that shouts
sprouts out
emotions
thin veins peaking
thin skin peeling
no longer moist
during day break
simply breaks
cracking in the heat
a drought of the heart
locked in tight
rough beatings
smooth talking
it's harder to move
being held down
when he's stronger
he'll last longer

you're a goner
fuuu
Pen Lux Jan 2015
eating my heart out
solving my problems with food
lucky I'm not fat
Jan 2015 · 638
telepathic empathy
Pen Lux Jan 2015
only a year
yet you disappear
face fading in my mind
no longer clear
all that's left
is your
reflection

silver, molten
spilling forward
out and down from
your crown to the ground
liquid lover there's no other
linger no longer filthy foe
don't care how you are
don't want to know
pillaging liar
I'm out of
fire  
     passion
                  grief
sympathy

simply entropy
Jan 2015 · 633
pitter patter
Pen Lux Jan 2015
keeping together through poetry
not running, but walking, home
the Fall is not so much as a leap
as a gentle floating from Summer
the Heat searing shut wounds
from the bitter chill of
Winter's thrusts,
broken trusts,
tucked guts,
now spreading out in gusts
of feeling in the wind,
the chill of Winter
returning, in tickles
down my spine, my sides,
curling, I twist, and hide.
~an old poem
Jan 2015 · 348
~
Pen Lux Jan 2015
~
half a cup of coffee this morning
better than nothing
getting a ride this morning
worse than walking
faster than walking
saving some time
killing the planet
exercise today
the couch won't be too lonely
the internet has many friends
exercise today
your patience
as you speed through the day
exercise your mind
keep talking away
--trying to write every day, sorry if it ain't so great--
Jan 2015 · 332
chipchang somethang
Pen Lux Jan 2015
your body is an arcade
tokens cost emotion
                      energy
                        time
sorry baby,
I can't afford to play your games
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