Never the one with a safety net,
having to move quickly, silently,
and calculated.
In a house pulling me into
depression,
further than I could pull myself,
I refused.
Never to be trapped into
ammonia soaked walls and
defeated thinking of years
past,
a "golden child,"
I moved on.
How it hurt to hear those words,
from someone that has
never been hungry,
never realized that the hunger
never fades and that I
never had a choice.
It was get up,
get out, stay moving,
or die
forever.

Here, on ruffled waves
broken limbs sing
their gargled agonies

Oh, those trying eyes
tossed up high
for the gull's to feast

All is only ever pain
In the ocean

Yet the mind reasons
through the spume of chaos
and clings to buoyant lies

In the arena,
success means everything,
and potential means nothing.
And everyone with tattered sleeves
is written off as vague, gray, and
lost to the doldrums of dreams.

No one wants you to be lost here.

It was cute when you were younger,
but you're too old to pretend.
Just be successful at being you,
whatever it is, that you do.

I want to go back to the playpen,
but not just to **** around.
I want to be a puppy with potential,
not what you perceive
to be the success
or failure of my identity,
Because my potential
is what makes me successful
as a human being,
so, believe in ME!

Mother, please believe that
my zigzagging monogamy
is a rainbow array, not color theory.
I'm sorry you'll have to wait
for grandchildren to play
in your backyard...
with my future husband...
What if they were playing...
with my future wife?

Lover, please believe that
when I open my heart
I'm not doing it
to capture and pin yours down
I just want to feel it beat.

Stranger, believe that
I am not trying to win your praise,
I am ignorant, naive,
and ambivalent to white lies.

Friend, believe that
I am actually concerned
with how YOU feel.
I'm not just asking to be polite.

Boss, believe that
I am not the title
you use to assign and reward me.
I am a human.
I'm good at learning the rules of these games.

Audience, believe
that I am not a poet.
I just feel strongly
and write those feelings down.

Ego, believe that
I am smarter than you, wrapped up
in other's presence about ME.

I am just ME,
yet I rarely feel like ME.
I often just feel like trying to be
what you want me to be.
Ego, I must remind you everyday
to leave ME at peace.

Conversations of the islands,
Paper lantern illuminating,
All the glories that you are,
I wasn’t even in the mood,
Just needed to be close to you again,
Watching the rain on your glass,
And the laughter in your eyes

I don't care how God-**** smart
these guys are:     I'm bored.

I saw a picture of
the way you look now
The weight you lost
from your body
and your shoulders,
Because I am no longer
a burden atop them.

I wonder if you know
what my hair looks like now
Or how I wear it curly
just like you always said I should

sometimes I think maybe
you'll never find
anybody better than me
Because my love was different

But then I think maybe
I'm the one
Who will never
find anybody
Because unlike you
My love was able to stray
From your lips
and those hands
That touched me

In the middle of the night
I wake up thinking
I am drowning
When I realize that
you're not there next to me

But I am hopeful,
grounded in flesh and bone
And even without your water
I tell myself that
my garden will continue to grow

If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree.