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Haley C B Dec 2020
When I walk outside in the dead of night,
I think I will see your car parked in front of my house,
like you used to do when you would throw rocks at my window.
sometimes I think the glow of the stove light
against the glass door in the kitchen
will produce an image of your face,
for it, I would lie awake and wait.

last breath before I sleep to make
your body in a home I do not recognize.
this woman is not your mother
and I am not your lover,

I know the way to your house in my dreams,
I keep the key in my pocket, but I can never pick it up
and I wonder, when you walk outside in the dead of night,
do you fear you’ll see my car parked in front of your house?
like I used to do when we made love in your bedroom.

Haley C B Dec 2020
with nothing now to take me from you
we can sit in that open prairie
think of all the things we’ve done and yet to do
I will not ignore you
I will not ignore you

when the water comes to flood and with it take the trees
i will take you unto me under gritted teeth and
when the rain makes rivers that dissolve the ground
I will not let you drown
I will not let you drown

Haley C B May 2019
I like the feeling of warm water on my back,
it passes the time.
for I am timid, leaving room,
my mind etches an arms length away,
your hand in mine.

I’ll write about you after you’re gone,  
how your heart beat so hard
against my head in the sun.
sweet grass and dirt on my nose,
you’ll wash me clean,
we’ll meet again and turn to mud.

I’ll find solace in the sun,
the way it beats down on my face.
it’ll turn me red with love,
like your words against my ears.

you’ll lead us to the quiet places,
forage us a home.
we’ll build from sticks and stones.
It’ll rain as we sleep,
covering us in tears.
kick my feet up on your leg,
passing the time,
with warm water on my back.
Haley C B Feb 2017
I saw a picture of
the way you look now
The weight you lost
from your body
and your shoulders,
Because I am no longer
a burden atop them.

I wonder if you know
what my hair looks like now
Or how I wear it curly
just like you always said I should

sometimes I think maybe
you'll never find
anybody better than me
Because my love was different

But then I think maybe
I'm the one
Who will never
find anybody
Because unlike you
My love was able to stray
From your lips
and those hands
That touched me

In the middle of the night
I wake up thinking
I am drowning
When I realize that
you're not there next to me

But I am hopeful,
grounded in flesh and bone
And even without your water
I tell myself that
my garden will continue to grow
Haley C B Dec 2016
The first two weeks

I lie in bed shaking
As soon as I wake up
Two hours too early

Toss and turn
Sick to my stomach
I cry in the shower
And on my way to work

One month after

I find myself in bars alone
drinking until the memory of you fades
I know that I should leave
But unlike you I choose to stay.

I slept with somebody new,
I left in the middle of the night
When I realized
I wasn't lying next to you

Two months after*

I forgot the sound of your voice
I've done some things I shouldn't
It went through my nose
And into my brain
I'm dodging men like bullets
I'm numbing all the pain

Three months after

I text you that I love you
And you never reply
I haven't cried in months now
But I still can't say goodbye
I forget the way you smell
Your side of the bed is filled with books
I remember when you first said you loved me
My heart, oh how it shook.
Haley C B Dec 2016
i was 8 years old when
I first watched you
snort white powder
up your nose
into the cavity
of your heart
where me and mom
should have lied

you said it was temporary
that you were okay
but on the ride home
i'd count all the times
the car would sway
Haley C B Nov 2016
You were sound asleep
Grinding your teeth
I slip away from the covers
Where our hands touch underneath

Count your breaths with every step
That I take towards the door
I could leave out of the window
As to not creak the floor

A swift escape in the middle of the night
A kiss on your cheek and I flick off the light
You never did move to tell me goodbye
As my presence continues to linger on by your side
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