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The things
that break you open
    in the morning

They won't take you
     away
but for a moment

  when you're going-
Look back
once
    only

  then leave me to my misery-

I'll be the one that used
to kiss your lovely feet

The one who's dreams
wandered around our house
                              like cats
Under
the lemon tree
we used to see ghosts. They
would just sit there and glare at us,
waiting.
This blade controls me
This blade enters my skin without stuttering
This blade knows it's home within me
This blade hasn't yet cut too deep but has taken my life, you see
This blade is my life now
This blade slices through my skin like a hot spoon through butter
This blade draws art on my wrists and writes stories on my thighs
This blade will one day end my total existence
This blade is my addiction, you see
This blade has become my infatuation
This blade is wrecking me
This blade is scarring my skin with shiny white lines
This blade makes me joyous
This blade forces me to cut my activities short so it can cut my skin
This blade is my bestfriend, because when
This blade allows the red to run free of my flesh, I get giddy with excitement
This blade comforts me
This blade will be here 'till the end...
{m.r.l}
Questions asked.
Never answered.
Shut down...
Common sense;
Sheds light.
The night terrors have gotten worse now
And it’s been so long since I last slept
The thought of rest is starting to sound surreal

Yet every time my lids grow heavy
This nightmare becomes reality
My greatest fear becomes my fate

In dream after dream I am forced
To see myself die, each night in a new way
Over and over I witness the end of my life

This does not scare me for I fear not the reaper
But another detail never changes
It is what I see as I draw in my final breath

This mirage of my mind stands at my side
Though she’s always just out of reach
Her eyes telling the tale of heart break

This nameless woman bears my child
For my greatest fear is not my death
It’s leaving behind the family that I never met
Love is a game of cards
Which I play with hands that fumble
While others hide the hearts on their sleeves
I try to speak without it coming out jumbled
I've been dealt a better hand than most
But I have no idea how to play it
I don't even have an adequate poker face
And my cards fall when I attempt a trick

Love is a game of Monopoly
In which I have little to offer
In a world of Rockefeller's and Morgan's
I sit on the side like a wallflower
An infinite cycle of going round and round
And I'm perpetually trying to catch up
But everyone's so far ahead of me
And the whole affair is quite corrupt

Love is a game of chess
In which I will never win
My moves come slow and hesitant
And I am trusting and easy to convince
Playing on a board of black and white
Although the game itself is in shades of grey
Drive me into a corner and call checkmate
Capture my heart then leave and I will never be okay

Love is a game of tug of war
An equilibrium between our ebb and flow
Keep pulling until we're hanging on by but a single thread
While I debate if the glass half empty or full
I'll always be the one loving more
Even when I don't let it show
And I'll be the one who ends up hurt
When you inevitably decide to let go

Love is a night of games in a casino
In a city of temptation and sin
Seal your covenants with a kiss
Sell your soul to the devil with the handsome grin
Make a wish,
And roll the dice,
Remember every rose has its thorns
And when jealousy blossoms, you'll pay the price

Love is a game of Russian Roulette
Which we all play willingly
Just another character flaw,
A human vulnerability
It's no use trying to protect anyone
Luck can save you time and time again
But you can't escape the bullet forever,
And we're all just victims of love in the end
I have a certain paranoia
That everyone hates me
I know it's completely irrational
But this anxiety won't stop plaguing me

I feel like a burden
For simply existing
I'm fidgety, anxious and restless
Bracelets on my wrist always twisting and untwisting

A squeamish feeling in my stomach
When I hear laughter
The whole day is now spent
Thinking about it long after

Logically I know not everyone hates me
I know the things I tell myself aren't true
But I take solace in the fact that
No one will ever hate me as much as I do
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