i dont even know what i am trying to say anymore
what do you call something that grows and grows to its largest possible capacity and then fold into itself? i wonder if there is even a word for it.
I feel an overwhelming sense of nothing-ness that clings onto the the end of every one of my thoughts. Like my stream of consciousness is a big game of snake that ends where it starts.

when i sleep, i dream. when i dream i

i am lost in the woods little bird lost in the woods alone in the woods
so small so young so green
i grow
as i have grown
as i will grow
my mind melts
mutates
i am someone else
i have lost all meaning
everything has lost
all
i am grown
i have grown
i will grow
as i float i am growing
as i fight i am growing
i remember little bird
lost in the woods alone in the woods
all alone
all
who am i? who was i?
who am i becoming?
have i forgotten?
or did i ever know
and where is the future
where is my future
why so intangible
why so unmanageable
where is the knowing
where is the sense of stability
where is the meaning i was promised?
who promised
who said
who
left me alone, all alone, alone, little bird, alone in the woods,
who am i?
(then in a hundred different voices) who am i?
where am i?
why am i?

when i sleep, i dream. when i dream, i am lost. i try to stay awake
to hold my mind awake
an object in motion will stay in motion
oh let not me rest
maybe if i stay awake
if i work harder
all the time
i wont lose.

I probably need some lessons in moderation
because if i'm gonna give you my attention
you're gonna deal with all of it
or none at all

and if I'm not drinking to get wasted
my sober *** will stay home
and pack a couple bowls
cause I'm a ******* *** head
smoke. ****. everyday.
wait, what?

Substituting communication
for mere contact.
Self image produced with every shared post.
Basing your worth
on how many tap their finger.

When people become numbers
and reading someone's tweets
is enough to count as friendship

Convincing ourselves that life should have an edit option

Have we forgotten the tangible world?
real and uncut
above the square illusions residing in our hands

Foolish facade.
Highlighting what you'd like to be seen
casting in the shadows
those ever flawed attributes
Creating a decoy
that leaches all affection
Never knowing love
received for who you really are

No one will ever know everything about me.
I am the ******* universe experiencing itself.
too vast for total discovery
Any brave explorer that wanders too deep
will be lost forever
in the black holes inside me