tell me it was all a dream
tell me the beautiful wishing doesn't have to end
that a thousand years of golden kisses and
a universe of given completely to just being wrapped in your arms
tell me that the natural chaos of wrestling you in the pillows
surrounded by desires trance can go on forever
tell me that the spark like a fiery hunger in you
will be there to ignite me
i urge myself to my destination
to wake lightly in the salvation of your love
to wake lightly in the predawn and find you sleeping still
so i may kiss you awake
so i may be your dawn
as you have been mine

So many secrets
too many to hide

one day they'll consume me
one day they'll pour out
one day ill be free to live the truth
one day ill be happy with no more lies
ive hurt so many people
too many to count
but only so many have knowledge
of the destruction I've caused
So few know of torture and games
ive inflicted on them

So many secrets
too many to hide

Some day ill crack and the truth will leak
some day ill be honest and good and selfless
some day I will have nothing left to hide
some day ill live without fear of exposure
How do I get there?
I want that right now
someone show me the way
so I can stop all this pain
its raging inside me
the damage ive done
and theres no way I can fix it only correct it
correct the errors in my ways
to prevent it in the future

So many secrets
too many to hide
take them away
im bursting on the inside
send me to sleep
for I am a reckless abuser
and when trying to avoid the temptation
I am always the loser

I remember one summer we planted sunflowers
and I don't remember much else about that time
except for the fact that one day I came outside
and suddenly they were taller than the house
they were beautiful
but they needed the sun to survive
it doesn't take a genius to conclude
that once winter arrived they died
and I've never been much of a gardener
but you were my sun and I was the flower

I am delighted, for the color of my skin.  I ignore those who hold a grudge, from deep within.
I am delighted, of the way I talk.  Even though you don't agree, it's certainly not my fault.  
I am delighted, of the way I move.  You feel you are the only one, who has a walk that cool.
I am delighted, of the way I look.  No need to stare at me, as if I am a crook.
I am delighted, of the peaceful life I live.  I truly love the Lord, he makes my life so real.
By, Sandra Juanita Nailing

funny how we'll look back at this moment in time,
and think,
"wow how quickly time passes,"
with children in our hands.

the last of your hand holding mine,
and feeling the familiar roughness,
for two years.

i'll write you letters
and i'll send you poetry.
i'll try my best to enjoy this while you're gone.

two years is a small amount of time.
all at once, it feels like a wave choking the words in my throat.

you haven't left yet,
i know that.

but that isn't going to stop me from missing you.
knowing we're creeping towards your departure,
your two years of service,
scares me.

i already feel so alone tonight.
it's almost like you've already left.

i know this isn't forever,
and our forever only starts after these three years of patience,
but i don't want to say goodbye.
i don't want to stop looking into your brown eyes one last time.

i didn't think i'd fall in love with you,
i didn't think i'd have to say goodbye so soon.

this preparation of separation,
is something i'm not used to.

I'd like to thank my father on this Father's Day for all the things he did not do.

He did not teach me to tie a knot, stand up to bullies, or catch a ball.  He did not tuck me in at night, I never went to a father-daughter dance, no one was there to give the boys the evil eye or make certain I was home at curfew.

He was not a safe place to run to when I was hurting. And, I was being hurt in the most unspeakable ways. He did not defend me. He did not ask. He doesn't even know.

He never called me "princess" or "sweetheart". I never danced on his toes.

At my wedding no tender moment was had. No song played while he regrettably accepted that I was now grown.

He never knew the joy of bouncing his grandchildren on his knees...or his daughter and son for that matter.

I am forever grateful to him.

Grateful to have lived and grown without him by my side. To have learned my own way, become my own protector and provider.

Thank you, Father, sincerely. If you would have stayed I may had become something like you