I'm looking through my dusty window
out to a crowded place,
with people walking around like ants
gathering in a foreign space.

I'm looking up my empty room
which glares with bitter eyes,
the stories about me feeling home
spotted as simple lies.

I'm  looking at my flubbed life
and all the traces which remain,
not sure if everything I did enjoy
outweighs the taken pain.

Every cigarette I smoke I choke it down like it is your name

but the only two things that remain the same

Is you're both an addiction I cant seem to shake
When I think about these ghosts

I hope its you that haunts my home

At least then id be at peace knowing I wasn't dying alone.

¤¤
Take the precious pen
and tuck it safely away
the words are not here
the ink will not speak today
○
Straighten the stark parchment
and push it to one side
the words will not appear
they remain hidden somewhere inside
○
Push my dutiful desk
far away from the window
the words do not need a place
when there are none to show
○
Store away my chair
make use of it elsewhere
the words have disappeared
and I have none left to share
○
Take me from this room
a quiet place no longer in need
the words are now so still
perhaps it is I they'll no longer feed
¤

I am not a ghost
ive burned these bones, and sent my soul back home
i am not a ghost
im learning patience, grace, and self control
i am not a ghost
looking for a hand to hold
ive planted a seed in roots too deep
in echoes of hallways across the sea
inner beauty and tales of conquering
im redefining myself in storied words
of triumph and self-defeat
i am not a ghost
for you can breathe me in
i am not a ghost
exhale me softly ill take on your sins
i am not a ghost
chaotic equations of love and hate
burying a past, cleaning a slate
restoring innocence of of the purest state
i am not a ghost of past or present
i am a man of neither tomorrow nor today
leaving softly, i close my eyes
i am not a ghost

***, why do you have to speak like that?



It's not about who I am, you piece of worthless ****, why don't you understand?
I am basically undestructible, invincible  sexier version of Superman, and I don't got no moral ******' codes to keep me from beating your ugly *** up all over the I-don't-give-a-**** wonder land
But I know you'll take a stand, your every failed attempt is killin' me, are you ******' kidding me, you know how it'll turn out for you, oh danm!
Now I gotta' explain it to you, that annihilating you is a part of my ******' plan and you can take all of my '**** yous' , call the poetry protection people and try to sue, but i'll **** even harder than a ******' rock band, it's all your ******' fault, you pull the trigger and out comes a '****'- BAM, I know you're not a fan, but lemme ask you, what's your age my sweet gran, I know I include you too often,but why aren't you in a coffin, why do you keep poppin around, stoppin me from talkin about my feelings, you ******' *****, imma introduce you to my lil' freind, brings-you-the-end-uncle sam and he'll **** out all the oil, leave you to boil, in the sand, I hope you understand, this is important, and i'll say a '****' again, for no reason, have a short attention span, can't you see a ******* gettin' a ***** on my hand, I wonder how long will it be stayin and so, you were sayin' ?


Why do you cuss so much, *******?


I ain't gonna' feed you no crap, you have my '**** yous' and I just want 'em back, I swear I won't even set a trap, to count how many knives you have on your back, go ahead spill the blood, embrace the dirt, be the first to stab, just then don't stop me, when I start to blab, go mad, be bad, and be the contender, in line for your hardest slap, being a repeated offender, I tell you, it's the most fun i ever had, it's not the vocabulary that I lack, it's just every time I read about your ******' butterflies and sun-light I go mad, so you take your stuff, all of it, all of your hatin' and waitin' for takin' a jibe at the next '****' and stuff it all inside your bag, go ahead be on your way, now, ******' pack, or I swear they'll find your corpse, in the parking lot, where you sacrificed the young folks, and covered all their '*******' tracks, and i'll wait here for you, plannin' my next ******' attack, I know all these cussing and abusing has made you sad, but why don't you just ignore me, does it turns you on, when I shoot one after one '****' in the sack, do you really think putting your food out in the open  makes sense in a bachelor pad , I know my metaphors aren't funny, but it'll make a very sick man somewhere crack, and when everything's been said and done, i'll leave ****** karma to kick you in your hypocrite ***, there I said it, '*******' I swear this one's the last, for it may seem i'm just a punk for usin' it but you're confusin' ****, and there goes the answer to your question you just asked.


*******!

Woke up to the sunrise, my heart still craves the night
Drowning in an ocean of misery, escaping the bright lights
The demon inside has won, I've given up any hope to fight
If I'm going down this path, i might just enjoy the ride

In this silence, over-grown sense of hatred consumes my soul
I wait for the end, trying to figure out a way to end it all
I could never figure out, what does it takes to make you whole
And maybe i was just holding back, i was always destined to fall

__________

"hey, mom do you have to go to work today?"
-sorry sweetie, i have to rush and i guess I'll be late
"seriously, i thought we'll spend some time together, we talked about it yesterday"
-i know, but it's important, maybe next Sunday?
"it's alright, nevermind anyway"
-you know how much i love you, don't you ?
"yes, i know mom, be back soon, I have a surprise for you today"
-I'll be back as soon as i can, ok sweetie?
"alright, I'll wait for you like always"

*door closes


_________

Alone with my thoughts, emotions explodes in silence
Mind in chaos, every approaching moment is violent
Angst and despair spreads neatly all across the floor
Eyes are closed and i think i can't take it anymore

It's not so easy to die, every moment I'm hoping for a miracle
Someone or something to pull me back from my doom
But i guess, world has ignored my pleas again
And i can't let go of these morbid thoughts approaching like winters gloom


_________

"hey, Todd do you have a second, i just need to talk"
-yeah, mate what is it ?
"i don't feel good, can you come over or not ?"
-man, I'm with this *******, we're out on a walk
"oh, haha alright, have fun, catch you later"
- I'll tell you all about it. god, this chick is so hot!
"haha alright, catch you later"

you can talk to my Corpse

_____________________________

Can they really not hear the fear in your voice ?
You try so hard to get out, but they leave you no choice
Maybe when they find you're gone, they'll make some noise
Will they feel responsible, for they couldn't keep you from being destroyed

I walk away from these walls of my so called home
I think it's better if i go away and do this alone
Friends, family, they'll make an excuse that they didn't knew
He was such a good kid, just a little bit confused


_____________________________


-young man, what are you doing alone in this park?
"none of your business, leave me alone"
-you shouldn't wander alone in these lonely parts
"i don't need you to tell me what to do, it's not even after dark"
- are you searching for someone, there's no one out far
"no, i just want to be alone, if it's too much to ASK!"
- come here, have a seat, don't be afraid i won't hurt you
"hahah, do you really think I'm scared of you?"
-no, but i think you need someone to talk to
"no, I'm better off alone, sorry but i don't need you"
-wait, young fellow, just hear me out?
"does it matter, you have no clue what it's all about"
- no harm in letting it all out, for you and me are the same
"are we really, you don't seem to be in pain !"
- i was, a long time ago, just like you i was cold
"hmmm, stay away from strangers, that's what i was always told"
-I'm not a stranger, I'm just the older self of you
"wait, slow down old man, you're just making me confused"
-I'm here to tell you what you'll miss if you don't turn around
"what? How do you know i was about..."
- i know how you feel, like everything is going down
"hey, wait a minute......."
-but I'm here to tell you, one day you'll be found  
"but, it feels like that day will never come "
-just look at you, what you've become
"i can't stop it, it has already begun"
-there will be no escape,no matter how far you run
"..........."
-it will be better, i swear, one day you'll find that someone
" i don't think i ever will "
-you're too young, I'm old and i can tell you i did
"but we're not the same........"
-yes, we are
"hey, wait where're you going, what's your name?"
-if you decide to turn around, I'll meet you tomorrow here again
"what makes you so sure, my thoughts will change"
-i don't know for sure, but i would really like to meet you again..

walks back home


later in the night



"hey, what's up todd?"
-oh man, remember about that chick, the one hot?
"yeah, what's up with her"
-turns out she has even a hotter sister
"hmmmm"
-she wants to meet you, i showed her your picture
"what the hell?"
-yeah mate, she wants to meet you tomorrow at the cafe, about twelve
"woah, ah well...."
-just shut up, you thought i would just leave you behind
".........."
-we're friends mate, sorry i couldn't talk earlier, i was fixing your date at that time
"hmmm, it's alright"
-ok mate, good night
"night, night"



even later


"hey, mom look i made you some dinner"
- oh baby, what a sweet surprise
"mom, why do you have tear in your eyes?"
-it's nothing, i felt bad about going to work today
"don't worry mom, it's okay"
-no, it's not, so i took tomorrow off
"eh, why?"
-well, i planned something, just you and me, up for it or not?







__________

-so, young man you made it
"yeah, guess i did"
-there will be more like me down the road
"hmm, what your name, old man?
-well,my friends call me hope.