in a dream i saw you smiling
as bright as the life you once radiated.
you sat in your favorite recliner
and the rocking chair on the stoop.
though i know you are a vagrant
wandering between realms of the animate,
the organic
the decaying
and the remains of you in a vessel
furnished with powdery human residue.
i could not think of a better word to describe you as
than angel
in this dream i saw my father
a fervent believer
in the one they call the father
in all the world’s creation.
and in this dream we argued,
for i am not “the daughter he raised”
under biblical predisposition.
i have freedom of doubt, no faith do i worship
except the good in people to make life worth living
and mourned respect for the departed.
never have i thought we’d be met with the father of all the world’s creation.
in fact, there’s nothing to be met with after drawing in our last breath.
i told my father his faith was *******
while you sat there behind me
looking as alive as you did
the day before you died.
and my mind couldn’t understand
how you were here
when god is a phantom
and angels aren’t real.
and yet, here you were.
tethered to my conscious.
i couldn’t look you in the face and deny your existence.
your face smiling that same bright smile.
same as in the memories that remain.
memories as real as your remains.
i do not believe in angels
only electric bursts in my cosmic web of neural branches
but your smile felt more real, more tangible,
than your actual, physical ashes.
to my beloved brother,
and my dearest uncle,
i know you’re not with me anymore
but have you really gone?
not from this heart, not from this dream.
if i should see you both again
in the realm of shut-eye,
i am grateful for the spiritual confusion
you besiege me,
for i shan’t be concerned with the existence of angels that i disregard in my waking time.
because when i am asleep, and reality is unbound,
and you appear to me as clear as materiality,
heaven is real
heaven is in my mind.