the absence of you
hits like ecstasy

in the lake of my tar-black pupils
you can see the regret

my teeth chatter loudly
but you can still hear the sound of goodbye

right before the crash

he is so unaware
so lost in his impressions
he doesn’t have a clue
about the gravity
the captivation
the tension
pulsing and pulling
between his universe
and mine

i am beginning to find myself again
i am in control of my future
as i sit out in the rain
with the wind blowing in my face
i realize everything will be
okay

she strokes my long blonde hair
puts her soft pink lips up to my ear
and whispers

her words taste like the sweetest honey
her fingertips tracing the bones of my spine
her hands running along my protruding hips

“i will never leave you”

Flash backs
And memories
Screaming
In my skin

Where you
{used to be}
Burning emptiness

It wasn’t you
It was me


I have always been alone
Yet I have never felt
Such an isolation
As missing your being
Longing for you existence
As if it was my own.

I let different boys touch me
Because I wanted to know
Even for a second
What it felt like to be loved
Even if the love was cheap
And it tasted like ***
Like the punchline to a joke
I never got because it was me

I let different boys have different parts of me
Parts they didn't deserve
But I offered up willingly because I couldn't give anything else
after you broke me
I was looking for different fingers
to place different pieces and hoping  the outcome
would be a masterpiece
Maybe one of them would find a way
to cover up the handprints you left all over me

I let different boys touch me because I had to prove to myself
you wouldn't be the only one
that these scars marking my body wouldn't define
my worth to be loved
I am not entirely sure  
you aren't the only one who could ever touch me without slightly  flinching

I let different boys touch me because that is all I have been taught
To be a joke
To be silent
To be ready to give until you have nothing left
- they keep leaving me and I am to scared to offer up anything more than my body to get them to stay

if i asked you to
would you steal my last breath
would you do me a favor
send me six feet under
even if it’s for nothing more
than one final kiss