i used to write my heart out
hoping maybe one day my words would get through
hoping that you would understand the pain you caused
hoping that the words would allow you to see how much you have hurt me
allow you to see the way your words take effect in my mind

i no longer write my heart out
because you broke me past my breaking point
your hurtful words no longer linger around my soul

Tonight of all nights, the thought came back
The thought of possible grief, possible loss, possible regret
Emotions not to be felt by me, but for me.
Tonight of all nights, the thought came back
The thought of concern, heartbreak and hurt
How would I go?
The thoughts of seeing the world from beyond
Would I stick around to watch every heavy emotion unfold?
Would I start over immediately?
A life with completely different outcomes
Different situations that require different answers
Different sets of people that require a different version of me
Tonight of all nights, the thought came back
The thought that was supported by the heaviest of emotions
Carrying the utmost weight on the soul
The thought that was fought to be buried
Tucked away in the back of the mind
Muted by the guilt of an Irish goodbye
Tonight of all nights, the thought came back
Welcomed with roses and champagne
Welcomed with cheers and applauds
As if the thought that was pushed so far to the edge
Is the thought that everyone wanted saved after all
Sighs of relief and tightest of hugs
Tonight of all nights, the thought came back

don't you dare put all the blame on me when i run out of patience
as i sit here, bruised and bloodied, in a war zone you created
it is not my job to validate your conscience, or intentions
when  it seems like every choice you make is immature
and selfish

It was a privilege to love you,
and it was a privilege to let you go.
Both helped shape me into the person I have become.

You said that after all these times, it’s always been me
But yet, I know that if you were placed in a room with all of us
I would not be the one you run to
Would not be the one you glace at first
Would not be the one who catches your eye

You'd look at her
in the blink of an eye