my anxiety roots inside my lungs, it makes me short of breath
trying to build a tree inside me with leaves of panic and death
and my chest pumps hard with my drum of an *****
I just want to be happy, I just want to do it for them
because these people are intimidated when they see me in person
because I always look sad and down, like a drama film I'm rehearsing
so I'm on a life long scavenger hunt, and it's happiness I'm searching
and I just want to stand up, but this places just makes me slip
until I hurt all over, floor against my hip and I' just want to sink under
since they just run and leave, hearing the words my lips utter
my thoughts are never white, only black so I guess I'm out of color

I lay in bed, music blasting, staring at the ceiling
temper hot as a fresh cup of darjeeling
darling, please leave me be
because my mind is a cage
I just wish it'd be set free

dear love of mine,
I want to hold you beside me
I want to reminisce over our inside jokes
and apologize for how stupid I have been
and you can do the same,
let us spend one night together
even if it's just silent because just knowing you're there
is enough to make me feel better
let me hold your hand
and I will lose myself in those eyes
and you can laugh at me, I wouldn't care
because you make me feel comfortable
and barely anybody can do that
let me love you, please
let us get lost in our memories
and make fun of the embarrassing things in our past
I just want to remember a good time with you,
a happy time, just a perfect night
like my own little romance movie
that is more dear to me than any movie could be
I romanticize every single detail and fragment of you
and as I lay, trying to sleep you tatter my mind,
and for some reason
I am completely okay with that
lest we forget the bad, my love
and together we can be happy

silence surrounds me, along with darkness
as the wet street is dimly lit by lights
that bounce off the ground, seemingly out of focus
and rather crystallized by the sediment we rest upon
because nothing is more calming, and peaceful for some reason
than those hours after midnight
where I can wander, free
travelling bodies of machinery may run by, noisy
every five or ten minutes but the silence in between
is what warms me, despite the cold of the night
my feet will lay tracks among the cement as I journey,
to wherever I want to, I have nowhere to be,
I don't have a path, I just roam to wherever my legs will take me
and I can sit upon the cold, wet wood at a playground and barely
see my body because it's nearly black, I just hear my breath,
I hear the drip drops of water from rooftops, the rubbery wheels
as they wound the road and most of all my heartbeat,
everything tuning into my own personal metronome
as my heart tatters, so do the drops of water and machinery drifting,
like an ambient song for none other than myself,
pure satisfaction

I am aflame, my touch burns
I incinerate everything in range
whether it's my love, or the things I've earned
and I've yearned to be looked up to
but now they just want to put me out
because my mind is breeding misery
and it's panic and anxiety that sprouts
without a doubt, I'm not to anger
because I will burn you down
I am nothing but danger
I just want to cut the sound
someone please just put me out
burn me instead, but the fire will live on
I am already dead

Her sadness, comes alive,
Shines and overtakes the sky,
I only wish she knew,


Her smile betrays her, she can't hide,
Melancholy whispers between her lips,
Soothing his pain,
I only wish she knew,

There was a loneliness to her walk,
Touching the soul, songbirds followed her everywhere,
I only wish she knew,

Her sad eyes, melted the coldest of hearts,
I only wish she knew,

Her sadness is contagious,
I cried a river of tears, writing this rhyme,
I only wish she knew,

She took the leap, and the world has ended,
And yes the mountains did crumble to the sea,
I only wish she knew

Firewalker

it falls
on all
rich poor

needing to be
shoveled
away from
the door

looking so
beautiful
until

the traffic
makes it
not so

white rain
men
carrot noses

in need
of a tissue
until
he blows it

white rain
I cant complain

seasons change
that stays
the same

I don't know how to love you
Yet love beats within my heart.

I cannot stay with you
Yet I cannot leave

Why do you not ask me to
Speaks volumes that you do not want to hear.

As E.E. Cummings said
'Yours are the poems I do not write'

Only because I have already spoken every word which begged to be said.