Nicole Hammond

Nicole Hammond Aug 2015

92

i want to kiss you so bad
that i've been thinking of
making my car kiss guard rails
i know that they would
both feel the same
it would all be over
just as quickly
my mouth would fill
with blood
all the same

sorry

Aug 2015

Charles Bukowski

Raw With Love

little dark girl with
kind eyes
when it comes time to
use the knife
I won't flinch and
i won't blame
you,
as I drive along the shore alone
as the palms wave,
the ugly heavy palms,
as the living does not arrive
as the dead do not leave,
i won't blame you,
instead
i will remember the kisses
our lips raw with love
and how you gave me
everything you had
and how I
offered you what was left of
me,
and I will remember your small room
the feel of you
the light in the window
your records
your books
our morning coffee
our noons our nights
our bodies spilled together
sleeping
the tiny flowing currents
immediate and forever
your leg my leg
your arm my arm
your smile and the warmth
of you
who made me laugh
again.
little dark girl with kind eyes
you have no
knife. the knife is
mine and i won't use it
yet.

Nicole Hammond Aug 2015

grace

i realized i no longer remember your birthday

at the realization of this realization i
crumbled on my bathroom floor
and cried for joy at my mind
learning to replace the long memories
of birthday candles in your living room
with a comfortable void
like the space after they were blown out

these things learned to be left alone
until nothing but the peace of
forgetful numbness remained

my heart surviving its own efforts
my heart surviving you

me
surviving you

#forgetting #birthdays

Nicole Hammond Jul 2015

(h)ours

if my body can be equated to minutes
you loved me like i was worth
every one of them
which is to say
i wish i had more
i wish i hadn't thrown so much away
i wish i hadn't wasted so much time
loving people that weren't you
i wish i hadn't wasted
so much of my body
loving people that weren't you

#love #time #body

Nicole Hammond Jul 2015

hello my name is

i have spent my entire life being sad solely because it is familiar
-
once i cried for 13 months over an 8 month relationship that ended within a phone call
-
i wasn't ***** but they stole something from me and i don't know if i'll ever get it back
-
sometimes i refuse to wash the clothes that you've touched and i just say that i forgot
-
showers used to give me panic attacks and instead of seeing a therapist i cut all my hair off
-
i sleep on my stomach in hopes that even just once someone would check to make sure i'm still breathing
-
i get on buses alone in the middle of the night just so i can feel unknown to something else again
-
when i told my father that i was feeling scared again he couldn't understand why it was so relieving
-
i push people away and then i cry when they fall into someone else
-
i'm terrified of adulthood so i stopped celebrating birthdays in hopes that they would take the hint too
-

this barely makes sense to me, but i guess poetry doesn't have to.

#confessions #thoughts

Jul 2015

Anna Akhmatova

You Will Hear Thunder

You will hear thunder and remember me,
And think: she wanted storms. The rim
Of the sky will be the colour of hard crimson,
And your heart, as it was then, will be on fire.

That day in Moscow, it will all come true,
when, for the last time, I take my leave,
And hasten to the heights that I have longed for,
Leaving my shadow still to be with you.

Nicole Hammond Jun 2015

cold

i am no refuge
if the past 2 years
have taught me anything
i am more shrapnel than shelter
with willing hearts
strewn in my wake
but i am kind
i will not salt your wounds
with these tears
i will keep my distance
but these thoughts like water
circulate silently around you
never straying farther than
these arms can swim
and i am weak
i am so weak
for the smile that found me
in the sound and the strangers
much softer and worthier than i

but your songs still medicate me

and you said you'd keep me warm

and i don't remember
what i said next
but it doesn't matter anymore
because

you said you'd keep me warm

and i am still shivering

so sorry for not posting in so long. i'm proud of this poem.

#love #him #warm