being dead inside is a paradox.
a contradiction. polar opposites.
you feel nothing at all, but at the same time you're feeling something.
there are no intense emotions yet, feeling so dead inside is an intense emotion in itself.
you're comforted by the fact that you won't feel any bad emotions but
at the same time, you're dissatisfied because you won't feel any good emotions either.
being dead inside is great when your lover leaves you, when your friend dies, when everything comes crumbling down at once ... because you won't feel it as much.
being dead inside is terrible when your lover tries to kiss you, when your friend invites you on a vacation, when everything starts coming together ... because you won't feel it as much either.

I was tripping..
I felt like I had lost my direction.
I felt lost,but my heart was still singing
I had my first taste of destruction.

I sat at Louis's, in pain.
I felt nothing, but the Novocaine
that was running in my veins.
I was not the same.

I was scared,I felt alone.
I was drowning in my own tears,
maybe because I was really on my own.

he asked me to open up . i hope he knows that he is about to enter a world of thunderstorms . but then i realised  something : i cannot cry alone . i cannot stand by myself and fight the battles on my own , and so i welcome you . you can run with me to the daisy fields , because i know i will get there with you by my side

Your heart is my ocean.
I want to dive in and drown in you.
Your love is by protection ,
precious, irrevocable, so true.
You are the missing chord to my melody,
the happiness in my tears,
the drug I can never leave,
the one who knows all my fears.
You are my strength , my determination
my sullen confidence
my deepest satisfaction
my happiness.
You are my love,
the gift from above.

I've tried to run but he is always ahead of me.
He loves seeing me cry and beg for me mercy.
He feeds me pain and drains my happiness.
He breaks me down until I am powerless.

His name is cancer...

Life is crying on the floor,
begging for strength for the night,
craving another dose of narcotics
just to take the pain away.

Can't I fade away already?
These nights aren't the way they're supposed to be.
This hear is full of salted wounds
and I can't bandage the damage.

I am still trying to float.
I am paddling and I am kicking,
but these waves are just too strong
and so they keep pulling me in.
So I find it hard to breath