Would someone
Please
Care to tell me
(And I'm being serious here, guys,
Because I really have no clue)
Why love
Has to hurt
So much?

Would someone
Please
Care to tell me
(And I'm being serious here, guys,
Because I really have no clue)
Why you can so easily
Act okay
Around me?

Would someone
Please
Care to tell me
(And I'm being serious here, guys,
Because I really have no clue)
Why you don't seem
To know who I am
Any more?

Would someone
Please
Care to tell me
(And I'm being serious here, guys,
Because I really have no clue)
Why you think it's okay to text me
When you need me
But not the other way around?

Would someone
Please
Care to tell me
(And I'm being serious here, guys,
Because I really have no clue)
Why love
Has to hurt
So much?

When it comes to you
I am always torn between
Good luck with the future
And
Go **** yourself.

Of course I send neither.

Just unfriend me.
(*******.)
It's not like I get
Waves
Of missing you
Any more.

(They're more like tsunamis.)

I hope you not only
Delete my number
But block it too
So if I drunkenly
(Stupidly)
Text you
You won't get it.

(Because I still text you a lot.)

And I hope you and
The others
(Those *******)
Meet up in August.
Go to the Fringe;
Have fun.
And I hope you don't notice
My absence.

(Because I notice yours every day.)

I hope you bump into
My old uni bestie
(At Glasgow)
And don't remember
That you met her through me.

(I know exactly how I first met you.)

I hope you never see
My post in halls
(If it still gets sent there)
Again.
Never see my name
Again.

(Every time I order take away I see yours.)

I hope you can look
Her in the eye.
(Never tell her another lie.)
Love her.
Hold her.

(Like you'll never do for me.)

And oh -
Something else.
I hope you burn
With pain
And hurt
And anger
And I don't wish you ill,
But ******* hell
I do not wish you well.

I hope your tsunamis of
Depression
Remind you of me
And of how well I knew you
And of how fighting with me
Used to make you feel
Better about yourself and

I hope to all the Gods in all the worlds
That it kills you inside.

I knock on your door.
Lean back against the wall.
Wait.

You answer.
Smile.
Hi.

You hold the door,
Let me walk past you.
But before it swings shut

I am pressed against the wall
And your lips are everywhere.
My legs around your hips

You kiss me
Down my neck
Over the mark he left.

Mine.
Yours.
Forever.

And I can see stars
In your eyes
Ad infinitum.

And I can see scars
On your arms
Bleeding.

And you lean back slightly
Breathless
And our horizons meet

As the sky splits open.
Together
But not forever.

Lights over Dundee
Will no longer be ours
And far-flung dreams

Like this one
Will never happen.
Skinny love;

I've been calling for months now
And you never left any messages.
You've got some kind of nerve
Taking me now.

You

You told me you loved me by
Begging me to stop
Begging me to break up with him
Begging me to look after myself
Begging me not to **** myself
Three texts in ten minutes if I didn't reply
Begging me to reply
Watching Doctor Who with me
Getting drunk with me and letting me kiss you
But harassing me about it the next day.
Your I love you was implicit and beautiful
And all without the use of those startling words.

Him

He tells me he loves me by
Telling me not to stop
Putting his arm around me when someone looks at me funny
Kissing the back of my neck when my shoulders hurt
Telling me that he'd be devastated if I killed myself
Not texting me because I'll see him later anyway
Not minding if I don't reply because who cares?
Watching The Hobbit with me
Not drinking but kissing anyway
And kissing and kissing and kissing.
His I love you is explicit and beautiful
And a drunken confession burst on his lips.

You and Him*

Both of you
Tell me you miss me
Tell me you care about me
Tell me I can talk to you
Worry about me
Act evasive
Let me stay at yours when I'm upset
Sit up with me until we can fall asleep
Even when that time is 5am.
And yet somehow
I only believe him.

It is five to midnight
And by this time
On any given day
This time last year
I would have a text from you
Asking to share the evening
Over a movie.

And today I saw you
And looked you in the eye
For the first time in a while
And I asked you to text me when you're back
Like you used to
Because once upon a time

I was the first person you would text.
I was the one who knew where you were;
How you were;
Who you were.
And you looked at me
And I looked at you

And our hug was so empty.
There was no squeeze;
No head against my shoulder
And maybe it was because my friend was there,
Or maybe it's because you've forgotten
That I used to be number one on speed dial.

"Of course I won't forget you."
Yet here we are
And I looked at you
And you looked at me
With your pool blue eyes
And hands that used to play me like a violin

And I didn't ache for you.
I ached for a year ago;
For things that should have been but never were
But I managed to plough on through
And think that what I have now
Is almost as good.
Text me, sometime, darling.

Seeing 4am is a habit
I thought had
Died
With you.