i. betrayal's a dagger
inches from your back
along with a gun
fingers on the trigger

                        ( judas kiss,
                            it's not what it is )

but you should know better
  your friendship festers
hide that jealousy behind the dresser

   ( if this is what jealousy feels like,
    you do not want to
             know betrayal at all. )


ii. it will chew you and spit you out,
throw away those lingering doubt
and stop going roundabout

( but the confirmation is all there is,
he never told you, did he? )

maybe he has forgotten
you and what you are


and maybe you've forgotten who you are too.


but the heavy weight of his words
the implication that he doesn't care
the fact that he kept you in the dark.

yes, i'm coming back home.

iii. you are not ready
you feel jealousy spike through veins of doubt
you see your friends say hi, hello
but all your mind could wrap around
is that they know, they know.


( he was coming back and nobody told you. )


what are you to them?


iv. the rage is bubbling, simmers down with a bitter taste in your mouth
the dagger etches a scar rather than a bleeding wound
and the gun fires a bullet to your heart and head.


( it is where it hurts the most after all. )



this is what betrayal feels like.

bring a bitter taste into your mouth / the taste of bile rises over your throat /  you know where this is heading / south, south, south /
and your heart pumps the sound of fragile—

— vulnerability

perfection is an idea engraved to every section of your being /

but there is nothing standing in the way anymore.

you are tired, so so so tired.

dreams are never for quitters / but everything in you life screams that giving up is better / it's so hard not be bitter —

when all that's left is an alienated feeling of guilt, love, betrayal.

you are / not / okay.

but you have hope / the pain will go away —

someday.

ii. THE FURY OF THE WORLD RESTS UPON HER SHOULDERS.

( inflict upon pain
    but she does not yield. )

— dark eyes scream dangers to outsiders.

she is storm ! 
     she is anger !

( yet, she feels as if her lungs are crushed
by thousand boulders. )

heave for air / woes fall out in forms of choke / words are boa constrictors wrapped around your throat / along the wind is a quiet whisper / but nothing can quench the fire inside your heart /

you are the flames / fire / rage / you are gone /

asphyxiation / fixation / obsession / all lines are blurred /

unpredictability/ instability / the results of all your insecurities under constant scrutiny /

they yearn for water / flames don't matter /

a worthless tool / a fool / just like flames you burn / its uncool /

sun dissipates into into the ocean / blanket of blazing ***** cover the dark skies / you are calm / maybe even warm /

the silence washes over like the sea / you wait for the red dawn /

the embodiment of fire / yet a brewing storm inside /

fickle minded hearts with angel halos above their heads / mouths dripping with the taste of cherry soda, vanilla and smoke / words are knives that slice through your head / and i warn you /

do not fall in love with a writer.

dead poet boys, art obsessed hoes with handstrokes syncing in the rhythym of a ****** battle / girls who became queens and all your we-could've-beens / these are the people who writes your name in white paper sheets / like infants with their toys.

do not fall in love with a writer.

they will paint you as a god / as a saviour / as a holy man / apricot kisses making you feel lighter / black ink impulse to remind you / that you are their lover /

for ****'s sake / do not fall in love with a writer.

they will make you the most beautiful human being that ever existed / until you can't stomach their vision anymore / you will get tired of them / they will get tired of worshipping you /

do not fall in love with a writer.

they let you see stars with your eyelids close / you're all over them because you are the cow and they are the moon / spilled milk, warm, slick and razor etches heart sick /  let me tell you /

do not fall in love with a writer.

just let them trace your outline for their plot because god you're hot / but you can't help yourself /

i said, do not fall in love with a writer.

you read their prose and you impose / break their trust / your love crumbles to dust / they made you feel alive / made you human / and you hate humanity / they made you love in forms of metric veins in your blood / god you should've believed me /

do not fall in love with a writer.

they will become obsess with the version they have dressed / mistakes erased like the cold november wind passed by a frozen lake /  meanwhile you fall in love with their quirks / they plan to be perfect–

do not fall in love with a writer!

and maybe they are perfect and you are their defect or vice versa / trembling fingers flick the beat of your aching heart / oh you feel torn to be apart /  let your molten gold and honey blood seep into the carpet / let them lick your feet / do not leave /

but your soul has departed /

i told you so / do not fall in love with a writer —

          do not fall in love with me.