If I would've known this would be the last time,
I'd have held on for just a bit longer.
We were sitting down, your long, nimble fingers intertwined with mine.
You whispered sweet nothings into my ear as a smile creeped across my face.
I could hear your laughter ringing through the air as your head tilted back and you squint your eyes so hard they disappear.
I could feel the warmth of your skin everytime you graced me with your touch.
The sound of your voice permanently engraved in my mind, never quite sounding out your r's.
The sunlight danced off your golden curls and turned your eyes into a pool of amber and fire.
As you leaned in to kiss me; my eyes fluttered open- my cheeks wet.
It wasn't real.
You're gone and you're never coming back.
I want you to feel pain.
I want you to know what it's like to not feel good enough.
I want you to know what it's like to be lied to again and again.
I want you to know what it's like to fall asleep wondering what's wrong with you and why you couldn't make the person you're so in love with, stay.
I want you to know what it's like to have the same person who kissed your lips, kiss someone else's.
I want you to feel everything you made me feel so maybe- just maybe, you'd be sorry.
But you don't.
You promised me so many things.
I loved you so much that I wanted to believe in your promises so bad.
All you did was break your promises
I know it's not my fault, but that doesn't keep me from thinking that if I had loved you more, tried harder, have done something differently- then maybe you wouldn't have given in to temptation.
If I didn't argue with you as much, asked you about your day more, didn't ignore you when I was mad- then maybe we still would've been together.
Maybe you still would've loved me.
Maybe you still would've stayed.
I know it's not my fault, but a part of me still blames myself.
Maybe it could've been you and I in the end
When you find out something that hurts you, you don't just feel it physically. You feel it everywhere in your body. It consumes you.
You feel your heart turn into stone and the sharp pains in your chest.
You feel the hollowness in your stomach and your chest closing in.
You feel like you're drowning 'cause you can't breathe, gasping for air.
It feels like you're dying.
And honestly, a part of you does.
I have kissed boys
People in between
But lately I have been kissing bottles
Their lips are colder than yours
But slowly I have realized that the pounding headache when I wake is less hurtful than the shattering in my chest
Yet as these toxins rush through my veins
I can't help but miss the tracing of your fingers along my skin
Miss the numbness of the world when you lie with me
But when I wake I remember that a headache is treated with an aspirin
Well if you have a cure for Heartache let me know