We were sitting down, your long, nimble fingers intertwined with mine.
You whispered sweet nothings into my ear as a smile creeped across my face.
I could hear your laughter ringing through the air as your head tilted back and you squint your eyes so hard they disappear.
I could feel the warmth of your skin everytime you graced me with your touch.
The sound of your voice permanently engraved in my mind, never quite sounding out your r's.
The sunlight danced off your golden curls and turned your eyes into a pool of amber and fire.
As you leaned in to kiss me; my eyes fluttered open- my cheeks wet.

It wasn't real.
You're gone and you're never coming back.

I want you to feel pain.
I want you to know what it's like to not feel good enough.
I want you to know what it's like to be lied to again and again.
I want you to know what it's like to fall asleep wondering what's wrong with you and why you couldn't make the person you're so in love with, stay.
I want you to know what it's like to have the same person who kissed your lips, kiss someone else's.
I want you to feel everything you made me feel so maybe- just maybe, you'd be sorry.

I know it's not my fault, but that doesn't keep me from thinking that if I had loved you more, tried harder, have done something differently- then maybe you wouldn't have given in to temptation.
If I didn't argue with you as much, asked you about your day more, didn't ignore you when I was mad- then maybe we still would've been together.

Maybe you still would've loved me.
Maybe you still would've stayed.

I know it's not my fault, but a part of me still blames myself.

I have kissed boys

Girls

People in between

But lately I have been kissing bottles

Their lips are colder than yours

But slowly I have realized that the pounding headache when I wake is less hurtful than the shattering in my chest

Yet as these toxins rush through my veins

I can't help but miss the tracing of your fingers along my skin

Miss the numbness of the world when you lie with me

But when I wake I remember that a headache is treated with an aspirin

While heartache

Well if you have a cure for Heartache let me know