Perhaps without death,
I will not live.

But how would that work?
My dear friends,
Not one person is truly living,
Until they are dying.

Physical pain goes away,
Mental usually doesn't.

It hurts more sometimes,
But it usually doesn't.

Physically I am fine,
Mentally is a different story.

Mentally,
I'm a mess.
Physically,
You wouldn't even notice.

Red pill,
Blue pill,
Green pill.

So many pills,
Making her life go downhill.

It's almost as if,
My kiss is poisonous.

Because when I touch your lips,
I just can't seem to resist.

I continue,
Despite the times you told me to quit.

I tried to ignore it,
I tried to stop.

But your lips,
Make me just not want to stop.

Make me want more.

Because your kiss is more poisonous then mine.

Everybody seems to have problems,
Claiming theirs are the worst.

What happened to people being happy?

His Dad,
Refuses to like me.

Saying my friends,
Seem to be more important to me then his son.

What he doesn't get,
Is it was killing me.

Being called those names,
Every single day.

They were breaking me,
Inside I was torn.

I was crying,
Almost everyday.

Unable to breathe,
The pain inside was crushing me.

But what he doesn't understand,
Is his son was, is, more important to me then myself.

He means the world to me.

I physically,
Couldn't live without him.

But I guess,
I'm too ******,
For you to know that.

I'm quiet,
Only because If I were to speak,
You wouldn't like how mean I would like to be.

My little Raven,
My newly found friend.

We will definitely,
Be together til,
The very end .

My beautiful Raven,
My very good friend.

You'll probably take,
My hot chocolate,
Once again.

I make weird faces,
For your weirdness.

My scary little Raven,
My weirdest friend.

As I reflect on my past,
I realize many things have passed.

Flowers have bloomed,
Yet I can't ever "find the room",
To watch them as they bloom.

People have graced me,
With their beautiful personalities,
And yet I never find the time,
To allow their personalities to overwhelm me.

I wish I could reflect on my past
And say many good times have passed,
But sadly there is more good then there is bad,
I wish there was more happy then there is sad.

But alas I cannot change where my pieces have landed,
But I can't fix my past either,
So I shall allow the past to remain in the past.

So if you ask me to reflect,
I will not reflect but honestly say,
The past is just another fallen day.

Smiling is a thing that takes less muscle then being upset.
You can easily put on a smile and say you are happy.

Then why does it seem that it’s easier to be sad?
Why does it seem like it’s easier to shoot for sadness,
Than happiness?

Sadness is intoxicatingly painful,
But happiness is like glitter and butterflies.

But why do we choose the pain over the happiness,
And not glitter and butterflies over pain?

It just seems to be easier this way,
We choose the hard road over the easier.

Maybe that's just human nature,
We enjoy difficult over easy.

But it hurts more in the end,
Why do we choose it though?

We choose to be in pain,
Versus being happy.

Why would we choose this?

Because it seems to be an easier thing,
Happiness,
As odd as this sounds,
Is harder to handle.

I'm singing this sad song,
My days have become so long.

I've been singing this sad song,
It's become very wrong.

I believe my sad song,
Has become much too long.

There are people who cut themselves,
Some of these people are the most sane people I know.

There are people who burn themselves,
They have some of the brightest personality's I have seen.

Some of these people you may tell,
Go **** yourself.
It's all for attention.
Or maybe even,
Cut a little deeper, it's not like anyone cares.

But what you don't see is,
They are all ready battling a pain inside,
It's not something they can just up and hide.

It's almost as if there are demons inside,
Telling them the lies,
That there eyes are to far apart or,
Their thighs are twice their size.

These people were once happy,
They were once beautiful in there own eyes.

But now they have broken,
It's almost like their souls are shattered window panes.

But you don't understand is all they seem to feel is pain.

Pain is becoming like their middle name.

It's all they feel,
All they breath.

It's almost like every breathe they take,
It's almost like breathing acid.

But just remember some of them are,
The most sane.

There are many things,
I would like to say.

Many things,
I choose not to say.

Can you hear her screaming?
It is because she is finally breaking.

She has held her ground,
Whereas others around her broke under the pressure.

She is not screaming,
She is tearing.

She is ripping at the seams.
Like a old dish towel,
Easily torn.

She is falling apart,
Her confidence failing.

Her heart breaking,
Her spirt falling.

She can feel the pain.
She can feel the hurt.

And yet she smiles,
That breathtaking smile of hers,
Never fails to work.

Her smile,
No matter how fake,
Always seems to fool the others around her.

Screaming,
Is believing.

Believing,
That your words,
Will be heard.

You may hear,
Seeing is believing.

But you see,
I believe nothing,
Yet see everything.

You claim to be second best.

What happened to first?
I don't see anyone there.

Unless you wish to stay second,
That works to,
But he will always be right after you.

Saying you're behind him,
Is like saying that the tortoise came after the hare.

Either way you win,
Because you're in first place.

It's not going to change.

Self-Harm.

It's when you can't handle yourself,
So you let blades and fire do it for you.

Welcome to a girl.

A girl who built a city,
Raised it up in her own hands
Held it out to me.

Showed me her work.

Then crumpled it in her palms,
Like puddy in her hands.

She told me to help her make it real.

I thought it was.

But I guess city's don’t crumble
The way my walls did when the tone of her voice changed.

She got louder and my walls fell apart like sand.

Little did I know,
Her broken city
Held an army.

A army that you can’t hide from.
You have to meet it head on.
Or, it kills you.

Or at least that's what I thought.

But her army emerged,
And pushed, and molded the city
Until it was perfect again.

She held a city in her palms.
Showed me it again.

This time,
I held her fingers back.

Her city had cracks running deep.
Canyons that weren’t in it before had now shown up.

Showing a beating heart under it.

It was her heart.

She crumpled her city,
So her heart would be hidden.

But once the army showed up,
It showed her heart once more.

The army helps her regain her humanity.

I still have my heart,
It's in a box on my shelf.

Why don't you lift me up there,
I could use some help.

It's not that I'm to short,
Or that I'm to small.

But it is that out of them all,
You are the only one I trust,
To help get it down from the
Shelf.

There are reason's I always put the title last,
It is almost as if I don't know if I give one before,
If it will last.

Because, you see I never no what to expect of me,
I expect nothing,
Yet end up with something.

Dream louder then you speak.
Speak louder then you dream.

I've fallen for the one person,
Thats so perfect,
It's hard to imagine.

It's like the stars falling for the sun,
They look dim in comparison.

Yet without the light,
How will they learn to shine?

I loved with a passion in my soul,
The kind of love you find
Coming from an alcoholic with a fine bottle of brandy.

It was toxic.

They say I was out of control,
I say blame it on love.

After all this time
I’m still holding onto rundown excuses.

Trying to chase away the blues,
With a baseball bat,
Engraved with the words.

Go Away

I’ve found myself wandering down every empty street
Hoping one of them would lead me back to myself.

Then before realizing you can’t find yourself
Within a pothole stricken road
Without catching a cold.

I caught a cold.

And the cold I caught was wretched.

Only cured by a carton of Ben and Jerrys
And a long night

That night was the longest.

It was one of the nights were it felt
Like a hand with arthritis was clutching your heart.

I found myself downing any bottle of anything,
And finding nothing.

Then I found myself questioning
The nothing I was finding.

I found myself second guessing,
Every breath I took.

Like my lungs were the problem.

But honestly,
I’m gonna blame love,
And I’m gonna be blaming it hard.

And I’ll use every rundown excuse in the book,
If it helps me find something.

Something to hold onto
Just so I get through the night.

I will use every rundown excuse in the book,
To find substance in the nothing I’ve been finding.

Because within this nothing,
There must be something.

Because nothing is something,
And something is not nothing.

So here's to me and my rundown excuses
The excuses I use when I need something.

But can’t find anything.

There are people that say,
That depression,
Is Ok.

There are people that say,
That being bipolar,
Is just another disorder.

There are people that say,
That having anxiety,
Is a normal thing.

There are people that say,
Being Unhappy,
Is a thing that will just pass.

The best part is,
Depression,
Is not something that,
Should be a part of your everyday,
Life.

Being bipolar,
Isn't a joke,
It isn't something fake,
It's not just another disorder.

Anxiety,
Isn't a regular thing to have,
It is annoying to have,
And hard to deal with.

Being Unhappy,
Is a very bad thing.

How would you,
Feel,
If you were hurting daily,
Because someone said,
Your problems are a normal thing.

These are the days,
You will not forget.

These are the days,
The fun doesn't seem to quit.

From Middle School,
To High School.

You realize it doesn't matter,
If your cool.

It matters,
Who your friends are.

These days are yours,
Live them wisely.

The way you write,
It's like painting the sky.

The way you speak,
Makes my heart grow weak.

The way you make me feel,
Is like insanity on wheels.

They will always tell you your heart will say intact.

They will always tell you everything will get better.

They will always tell you no one person can hurt you so much.

They never told the truth.

They never told you that your heart can break.

They never told you things don't always get better.

They never told you that you can get hurt so much by the same person.

But I guess what they never told you never hurt you.

Until now.

The girl may smile through her pain,
But all she really feels as pain.

The girl may stop and fake her smile,
But that only lasts a little while.

The girl may begin to cry herself to sleep,
But she doesn't get much sleep.

The girl may pretend to be happy,
But only because she doesn't want your sympathy.

She isn't fake,
But she is in pain.

She isn't happy,
But at least she is sane.

Tires,
They spin faster,
And fast on the ice,
Never seeming to stop.

Your life,
Flashed right before your eyes,
Faster then the tires on the ice.

You have grown older,
Have made something of yourself,
But the ice never changed,
But the tired got off the ice.

Then the ice melted away,
Like your life slowly does,
Day after day.

It slowly happens,
But seems so quick.
Your tires soon unstick.

You life flashes,
Time to say goodbye,
Goodbye you,
Goodbye tires,
Goodbye ice.

Tranquillity,
It has come over me,
Like a wave washes over a beach.

Tranquillity,
Is beauty,
No destruction.
No havoc.

Tranquillity,
Is rare to see lately,
With all these wars raging around me.

So tranquillity,
Will you ever come back to me?

Trying to write happiness,
Is painfully boring for me.

Trying to be exciting,
For your eyes to see,
Is extremely tiring for me.

Trying to disguise myself,
For the sake of your eyes,
Makes me want to strike myself,
Messily in the eyes,
With a rusty knife.

Trying to change the way,
I write,
Makes me want to,
Spontaneously Ignite.

Small little creatures,
Laying on the beach,
Why don't you come over,
And sit with me.

Itty bitty turtles,
May look weak,
But their shells are nothing,
Near weak.

They are stronger then you think.

I love you with all my heart.

Your love giving my thoughts a "jump start"

Your choices make me want to glare,
And yet I continuously stare.

Yet I choose to love you minus you being unfair.

He makes me blush uncontrollably.

He laughs at my weirdness.

Happiness is intoxicating.

Yes, I have cuts on my hips,
Yes, I have cuts on my wrist.

But the ones you cannot miss are the ones within my kiss.

Because my kiss shows my heart and soul..

Bury your fears like you bury your dead.

I should come with a warning label.

Warning this girl,
Falls in love to easily,
Is insecure,
Is a mess,
Is high maintenance,
Is hard to deal with.

Maybe I should just let them find out on there own

You know me better then I know myself.
You know her better then I choose to tell.

The beautiful girl.
And the broken boy.

Maybe one of them can find some joy.

I'm not sure how people seem to talk without words..

I kissed your fragile lips,
Hoping to see once again the light in your eyes.

I hug your frail body,
As if you might break.

Your name seems to be tattooed across my heart.

Silence is the dying girls greatest wish.

You asked where my soul is,
I say in my music.

You asked where my heart is,
I said in my poems.

You asked where my feelings go,
I said I honestly don't know.

I'm here when needed.

But I don't seem to be needed much anymore..

The black I wear really brings out the bubbly side of me

I do hope that when you get a new girl,
You treat her better then you treated me.

You treated me worse then you would treat,
The **** in the street,
Or the dirt on your feet.

Because obviously,
You only wanted me to use me.

Us poets,
We feel before we speak.

We think before we act.

And we taste each word,
Before putting it onto our paper.

Vic Fuentes,
is Life.

Vic Fuentes,
is Love.