Give me meaning
When you kiss me hard and slow
Breathe beautiful nothings in
I'll exhale little lies back out

Give me life
I'll pretend like I treasure it
And when we dance late at night
We can both pretend forever lasts longer than a year

Give me your hand
I'll hold on tight
You'll squeeze too hard
And I'll bring you right down with me

I would have died for you
A thousand measly deaths at your feet

I would have crossed oceans and mountains
To simply be by your side

I would have given everything
In a way I already had

But I will not die for you now
I have chosen life over love

I dreamt about you last night
It's not an unusual occurrence, but it was different this time.
We were both aware of what had happened,
Knew that we weren't meant for eachother, afterall.
But there we were, up in your bedroom laying on the floor.
We were talking like we usually did, but you leaned a little closer than usual and I didn't back away.
I wish it was real with every fiber of my being,
I miss you so much.

You called me the better shot
And frankly, my dear, I'd have to agree
But you aren't a safe bet
And gambling has always been an issue for me

Guns always made me nervous
But I guess you had the same effect
So when I watched you set your aim
I knew I wouldn't be able to deflect

Two years later in the September heat
I watched as we were torn from the root
It doesn't matter how we feel
Your gun is loaded so you might as well shoot

you are eighteen and you're in love
with a boy who hates his birthday.
you don't know it yet,
but the world gets so much bigger than the back of his car.
you think he needs you to be happy and so does he
but both of you are wrong.
it'll take you almost a year to stop crying.
and then you don't talk for another three
and when you finally do,
he thinks he still knows you,
but your heart is heavier than it was then.
and you **** him because you're lonely
but it isn't the same.
neither of you can fake love.
at least he still makes you laugh.
you'll pretend it's enough
because at least he's a body.
at least you're not by yourself.
at least you're alive
and you're good at *******.
because bodies are distractions
from the things we hide inside them.
you have him inside you
and he wants to gut you of your ugly, your sad.
he scrambles for an excuse not to stay the night
and you laugh.
you know what this is and how it goes
and you both love someone else.
you swear you won't **** him again
but you do anyway because you're still lonely
and you like the way his hands fit around your neck.
you **** him because it's good for your art
and you get bored of your own hands on your body
and you're fine with letting him feel useful.
and you think about when you were sixteen
and how *** was supposed to be special
and it makes you cry
because you're not who you wanted to be.
it makes you cry, because the world got so much bigger
after you left the backseat of his car.
the world is so big and you don't know
how it ended up on your shoulders.
you would have died for him.
you have been ready to die for every person you have ever loved.
you have dreams where he dies
and you can't save him.
you have dreams where people die
and you can't save them
and you're the one who tied your hands.
your mangled heart and all its bleeding.
nobody asked you to die.
what good is all the love in your chest
if you don't leave any for yourself?

- m.f.

I know I am not allowed to love you anymore
You're not mine and I'm not yours
But the distance is killing me

I haven't been eating much recently,
It's showing in my face.
I look as empty as you left me.

I love you still,
I probably always will
But we aren't eachothers anymore.

I'll never forget the night we were sprawled on your bed,
Hand in hand and legs intertwined.
I asked you if you loved me and you said
"Like nothing else in the world"
You asked the same and I said
"More than myself."

Its been almost two years since then and now we lay close but never quite touching.
Never quite enough.
I asked you if you loved me and all you said was
"Yeah."
But you never asked me back,
And I've always wondered why that was.

I guess it was because we both already knew the answer, we were just so afraid to hear it out loud.