I'm barely awake from a dream. I
    need to call home. 6 Alcott Lane,
    Greenhills. Is my room still there?
    Is the Xavier pennant still nailed to
    the wall, and Christ on the cross?
    That room was my growing up womb.
    
    I found my *** in that room. I puked
    beer in that room. I played with my
    plastic super heroes in that room. I
    was sent to that room when I told my
    parents that I got Kathy pregnant.
    I know there's no going home.

I wrap my arms around my tears
raining upon my misery. I'm in no
position to make demands. I beg for
you to unfold me upon myself until
they see the real me as you did. You
knew me with Virginity before you
took it from me and left me to bleed
from the wound that never goes away.
It never shows mercy. It cheapens me.
It leaves the smell of blood perfume.

I love you, but
not enough to *******.
What is that about?
Loveless marriage is
something I never heard
until you said something
about possibility and I cooled
towards red hot poker ***.
Now we both **** ourselves
like monkeys in a monkey tree.

Past a certain age we grow keen
of death's hot breath on our neck.
Some night we won't awaken and
hate the sun in our eyes at dawn.
We'll never have to walk our dogs.
We won't drive slow for squirrels
on our way to Costco and *******
the young ambitious  hustlers.
We'll miss great great grand kids
born in a world we'd never approve.

I stand naked in a strange light
in my bathroom in the mirror
looking 35 but I'm 79 so what
magic does a young lover cast?
She thinks I'm moon and sun.
At death's door I've just begun.
I just want to keep skin intact
so I'm not a circus freak show.

I'll sprout again
  like stubborn sin.
  Kiss me goodbye
  but I'll refuse to die.
  I haunt your heart
  and I won't depart.
  I am a forever stain,
  I won't leave again.