I sat along  the sideways singing
along with the sad songs
feeling all the words being
almost one of the lyrics
lost trying to hold on
  to almost blues and almost
holding on to
my broken heart my
bad times song
when the guitar strings
sang the next time last
next it strummed
a sad chord strained
  along the chord
it hummed
   brought me out of it
almost magic
     and there I sat
along the last time  
  next,
the brink of  
    tragedy
in  a calmness

When I was about five years old
I uses to think of the village elders as being cool ,calm and collective
They always seem to have plenty of money in their pockets,
Flamboyant trends for every occasion,

It was a pleasure to watch them tossed back bottles of beers along with the small glasses of ***,
however, with each sip came the unruly laughs,
the big arguments, and then came the fists fight,
that prolong into the wee hours of the night

What does a young five year old child like I really knew
Behind those laughters and celebrations were hidden secrets:
of abuse, depression and the Government arbitrary despotism
The older folks would often say to us younger ones

“Children this is grown folks business”
Stop being so blasted inquisitive”

When I became a teenager
I saw all that coolness, calmness and collectiveness
Became a huge bargain, burden and stressfulness

Suddenly, for me the men and women at the *** Shop
and the Barber shop were gossiping about Politics, war
famine, women, *** and babies’ Mama Drama

Today, I can look back and laugh at all those stories that I overheard
However, the Chinese brush delay,
now that is still  a puzzle

so I got the job anyway
and came in to work
I think it was at 9.30 am
and the Manager called me
into his office
(what a nice guy, I thought,
giving me all the attention)

and he said: "You should have come in
to work at 8.30 am, mister"

"8.30am?"I asked...*"Why, what happened?"

Hey
me kitty sweet babay
my desire me ecstasy my dream
my day and night my sun my set my moon
I orbit my galaxie my universe ,
this is all unrehearsed,
my gravity I am drawn to, my soil I grow in,
my today, my tomorrow , my pleasure and sorrow,
my Queen, my kitten, I wish I could pet.....
I am going to the beer store...will be back. Call me.

I never was one to let people in
I was never one to make people feel welcome
When I met you, it was like placing a key into your open palm
One that fit into an old rusted lock
One that I didn't even know exited

I guess I found parts of myself when I found you
They were never welcoming
I don't have many treasures
Instead,
Cobwebs, because I never feared spiders
And wooden walls that leave splinters in your fingertips when you touch them

Seasons have passed
My thoughts have grown
Things have changed
I guess I've realized I've never really felt at home
I've never really had one
I guess that's why I've never been welcoming

You took your time wiggling the key into place
I guess I'm a patient person
In your presence, I count stars
In your absence, I count stars
They remind me of you
I guess it's because some nights you see them
But some nights you don't

I'd wish for a clear sky every night
But I know better
The clouds need love too
Instead I'll wish for your visits on rainy days

I guess what I've learned with these passed, changing seasons,
Is what lies behind the rusted lock is my home
As beautiful as I feel it is
I guess I can understand why someone would not want to stay

You stand within a wooded glade
The air is still and calm
Your hand rests on a mighty blade
A shield upon your arm

> GO NORTH

You stand beside a castle moat
The water, grim and dark
To cross you'll need to find a boat
Or build yourself an ark

> BUILD ARK

To build an ark would take a year
And lots of willing folk
(We wrote this whilst we drank some beer
That option was a joke)

> FIND BOAT

You really think you'll find a boat?
You're not the brightest spark
You're meant to think, you silly goat
(Or maybe build an ark?)

> GO NORTH

You walk towards the castle keep
And fall into the moat
Lucky for you, it's not too deep
Since armor doesn't float

> GO EAST

You're standing in an ogre camp
Three ogres are asleep
One looks like he's an ogre champ
(Perhaps you'd better creep?)

> **** OGRES

You draw your sword and take a stance
You howl a battle cry
The ogres wake and watch you dance
Then hit you and you die

GAME OVER

(L)oad saved game  (N)ew game  (Q)uit? >_

I heard our song last night
it was your whispers in the rain
just one more time you held my hand
and you told me one last time, you loved
just me, and me only, our song held my heart
and made me cry for your love, that last night was
amazing, I knew I was lost, and I was found, when we
made love you fulfilled my every whim, when you were my man.
You didn't want to break my heart, you told me over and over
but I drifted and I didn't realize you were the world to me
you gave my heart a break, when i walked out of our
life, there were things we did not discuss, the heart
breaks, and singing of my life, with your words
that were whispers in the wind, I heard your
love and your touch in the day of our
hearts, Singing my soul so raw, so
new and being blue, looking for
love, with promises from
you ..

"listening for your whispers in the rain."*

Debbie Brooks 2014