we were in love

i remember you pulling me closely, your hands secure around my waist
you kissed my nose and the butterflys surrounded us
they danced and swayed to the song of our laughter

like the one time when we were walking to the car and it started raining
instead of just jetting to the car you grabbed my hand and said "dance with me."

like that one time you waiting by my window until i would open it,
i still remember that song you played for me
how i just wanted to jump right then and there and let you catch me
you mustve saw it on my face because you laughed and pouted "cant catch you here baby, but we can try"

it wasnt just the feeling of love
it was the feeling of someone caring about you
to no extent
i never understood the concept of love
until i met you
once i did.
back then
once i did.
back when.
once i did
back when u were here
once i did.
now its you i fear
you turned that love into hate
in one simple state ment
the one you left on my doorstep
a goodbye wouldve been better
but i guess the thrill is what always got you huh?
once i did love..
you.

"If I could choose between loving you and breathing you I would use my last breath to say I love you."
 
Danger was in the air as I ran over to your house, right next door, the perfect place for a best friend to live. If i ever had a problem my first assumption was to run right to your house, let you hold me and comfort me. I would let you soothe me and tell me over and over again that everything would be okay. By the way you said it only half the time I believed you.
 
Sometimes when I see you in the hallway I still say hi, its so hard to register the fact that now all I get from you is silence.
You look down each time I pass you.
Your eyes blank, a endless brown whole with nothing in it, not the love I used to see there or even a faint glint of happiness.
I forget about the past we had.
Where I pratically killed you, destroying your heart with my naive movements and my dumb choices.
I didnt mean it! I want to scream, to cry out to you.
How much I wish you would forgive me.
My shame eats me up everynight, everytime I see you my stomach drops and all I want to do is go into the corner and cry.
 
I keep the memories of our friendship hidden in the back of my brain, all those times we had together. The ones you just forgot and I still go back to everynight. My safezone is this dark, cold, world. The world where i am alone.
Without you I am nothing.
 
At this point Im brought back into that time in my life where everything was perfect.
Where you were my best friend, and all our problems were gone,
Where we can talk all day everyday, instead of getting into an argument every two seconds.
 
If only I didnt have to ruin it all..
And when its dark out, and everyones lights are off. The animals are sleeping and the owls are awake, Schools closed, the city silent besides those few drunkies who send echos of screams through the deserted streets. I let the memories captivate me and take over my body.
I am sent back to a time when everything was perfect.
Soon I begin to beleive this is all reality and I am back into your arms again.
But then my alarm clock rings, I get up and dressd for school.
See you in the hallway surrounded by girls, just the sight of you making milllions of emotions evolve in my stomach,
I smile at you, and my heart flutters as I see you smile back at me and wink. Your white teeth glistening, but then I turn around to see her there. The girl with the long lucious hair that cascades down her hourglass figure, With the blue eyes with brighten in delight.
 
I begin to wonder why I ever let you go.
The answer comes to me it was because I thought you would chase after me.

Walking down the halls
Knowing what you'll see
Blood on the walls
That can only be from me

You can't run and hide
Please don't try and leave
Fate is on my side
Got a million tricks up my sleeve

Safe is not a word
Don't believe what you've heard
I am here to stay
Life will end today

You're walking down the halls
And you know what you'll see
The blood on the walls
You know can only be from me

The dark is slowly closing in
Who knew the peace you'd find
After all your sin
You've left the pain behind.

My lover asks me:
"What is the difference between me and the sky?"
The difference, my love,
Is that when you laugh,
I forget about the sky.

Love is a recycled word,
used and resused in time and again.
Love like so is that of a chliche,
brief and ultimately unfelt.

It is through its brevity that
we discover that it is all but
what it says it is.

Love is instead chaotic,
that which blurred lines
between affection and hatred
fuse into one and engulf you whole.

No one understands this more
than the veteran lover.
Whose heart has been broken and
torn and kissed together all over again.

This is loves sweet embrace.
It is vicious, passionate, understanding,
and complete insanity.
It is the turmoil that can give us purpose.
It is the purpose that will give us turmoil.

And I surrender to it.

One day I'll remember. . .
the poetry I wrote when my heart was broken
and how those feelings inspired
so many poems with words of lost loves
and I'll remember meeting a new love
and how we touched and how
it meant so much.

how you touched me that first day we met
and how you inspired words from my heart
as we both were hoping
that we could start something
that would never end
and I'll never forget the words that we spoke
under a full moon and stars
and the way you smiled when I spoke
of giving us hope for
the coming years together.

And I could never forget
the way that you held on to me
as we slept and pieces of you
will always be beside me engraved
into my mind carefully
etched by time.

I'll remember how your love
was like a fire that was sparked quickly
and burned with intense heat
but burned out so quickly
and my soul was lost in the flame
leaving me never the same.

And I can't forget how my soul
tried to bring harmony and order
out of chaos as it attempted to
introduce meaning and affect
where there was none as it gave me
highs and lows to a landscape
that was previously flat.

And I'll remember looking at the words
that I wrote as they came to paper
and realizing that I am not my pain
and I am not my past
but I discovered my soul
by writing those words that were
just trying to fill
a great big hole.

Only a powerful soul can offer love
and be humble and these words helped me
to discover this and let me realize
that any time not spent on love
is wasted.                                         Jon  York        2013

I wonder if you know what im feeling inside...
Is it ok to fall, I really cant decide...
You could be the one,  you could be it...
I havnt a clue what I have done yet!
Did I go to fast?
From fears of experiences in my past?
What I can tell you is its in Gods hands...
Just where our relationship lands!

You are nothing to me but rainfall.
I roll you off my shoulders.
Dry you out of my hair.

You are nothing to me but snowfall.
I shovel you off my walk ways.
Keep you out and keep warm.

We were nothing but a change in weather.
People change as seasons do.

But still I can't stop the tides from rising.
I can't stop myself from falling.
You are nothing until clouds roll in, again.